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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Monday, May 7, 2007

Frustration... helplessness

All of us at home are going thru a very stressful period now.. an aunt,gramma's sis is very ill,she has breast cancer, and she kept it from all of us for so long,nearly 2yrs...sigh.. there is so much anger in all of us but we know nothing can be done now and the only thing left is for us to pray , and pray really hard that God hears our prayers and cures her and gives her a new lease on life... she says she dint want to cause any of us pain and just go.. :(

She is all of 59 and has taken care of almost all the kids in our family, she and uncle dont have kids of their own but we are all as good as theirs, the amount of love and time she has spent on us is unmeasurable and so now seeing her suffer is very heart wrenching and i feel so helpless... It gets frustrating.. i have these angry dialogues with God asking him why he does this to people who are so religious, so sweet and caring... I guess its just a test that we need to go thru and He is testing us to see if we really believe in Him... sigh....

Today mom and i were talking.. She said - is it really worth spending all this money and her taking so much treatment when we kn0w what is inevitable.. and is it necessary to put her thru so much.... the only answer i had was - we cant sit and watch her suffer or go through so much pain knowing life is coming to an end and as human beings, its not in us to let others suffer, esp loved ones.. we cant even watch a plant wilt, we rush to give it shade and water and revive it.. So we would want to do more for family .... another thought was that atleast this way we wont feel guilty later on that we dint do anything.. we did all we could but Oh,well, it wasnt meant to be will be a form of consoling.... ...

Damn it.. its so frustrating.... :(

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