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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Let me free...

I had earlier written this post for the   Indusladies International Women's Day Blog Contest


Now am submitting it for the Violence Against Women blog.... 




Let me free...
This is about my dear friend, P and what went through and how she
thought it was the castle she built in air coming alive...


Innocent, starry eyed, having just celebrated her 21st bday, P, like every other girl had big dreams, and all she wanted to do upon graduating from B.Com was to get married. Not just that, she dreamt that she will find a guy who is romantic, sweet, caring and take care of her like her family did.

About 2 months after our graduation, her father's business took a toll and he lost a lot of money. They were literally living hand to mouth, which is when P decided to work [she was smart and good in Finance & Accounts]. She landed a good job with a leading Bank and took over the role of bread earner at home.

A bit of background on P - she was the only girl at home, sandwiched between 2 loving brothers[younger brother had a bit of brain development issues and was a slow learner]. Her father was into jewellery business[which her older brother joined] and mom took care of the house. A simple family, they protected and pampered her. No wonder then she was fairly naive and clueless about the real world.

This was when SR, a dear friend of ours got engaged, and we were all involved in her wedding perparations[dates were May 5th and 6th], performing at the Engagement ceremony et al. P was there religiously everyday, until suddenly she started missing practice and wouldnt answer our calls. One day, me and R went over to her house, and confronted her. She then spilt the beans about having found the man of her dreams and was going to tie the knot soon...

Thus began our mission - "get information from P on this mystery man and make sure he was legit".. She gushed over how good looking he was, and that they had found him on a matrimonial site. Her parents had spoken to his parents, and the guy, S, and all they wanted was P to come as she was, no dowry, no nothing. The wedding date was fixed for June 5th [ less than a month away]. All she knew about the guy was he lived and worked in Canada, and they chatted for hours every day which is how she had fallen for him flat... We couldnt knock any sense into her, and on June 3rd , she and her family flew to Bombay, met S, and on 5th they got married.

Time flew, and a year passed therein..One wednesday evening[still remember the day, i had just returned home from work], i received a call from an unknown number, it wasP,and she was crying, between sobs requested i come over to her house.  

"When did you get to Chennai?" i exclaimed.. 

"Dont ask me anything aaroo, just come over na", she replied..

It was then that i came to know of the longest year in her life.I knew she had spent 2-3 mths with her inlaws while her visa was being processed and how they had  changed from sweet caring souls  to harrasing her for money.. She in turn pushed her father, who had to pledge some jewellery and material to cough up whatever he could. 
What we dint know was - when she landed in Canada, a rude shock awaited her. S dint have the job, nor a home as he had mentioned earlier. He was working in a small firm making a few hundred dollars a month. Life became tough till a friend of his helped P land a job with an Insurance company. 

What must have been a blessing became a curse, as S couldnt deal with P earning more than him..

There started the physical sexual abuse, to a point where P had run away from home, taken the help of a friend  she had made and flew to India with just her passport. Unfortunately, her parents here convinced her to go back to her husband and work things out. They believed a girls place is with her husband,no matter what he did/said.  They spoke to S, apologizing for their daughter's behaviour. 

S sweetly promised to take her back, provided P stops talking to her parents. The stupid girl went ahead and returned, only to face the same music all over again, until she got pregnant during one of his sexual bursts. Inetween all this, her health took a beating, and she had to undergo several surgeries.

It was only then that hard reality hit her and she made up her mind . Using the pregnancy as an excuse, P convinced S to fly her mom over to help during pregnancy and delivery. She kept us posted that she intended to return with her mom and baby and never go back.

Her son was born in Jan 04, she along with her mom and son flew to India under the pretext of rest;with our support and a lawyer friend she sent him Divorce notice under physical abuse and harassment clause. However, she did have to return to Canada for another year to work, earn a bit so she could fend for her son, while her parents took care of him. S did try contacting P, reconciling, but she was not going to go back to that life again. 
We were sad that she went through this, but glad that atleast she came to her senses. She is now back in India, remarried a wonderful man who loves her and her son as if his own. 
Just wish, she had been smarter back then and saved herself all this heartache.. 

She says "I have so many bruises, but the one that hurts the most is what S did, just because we were financially low and i was naive and blind to his follies.. but aaroo, am happy now, touch wood... 
I wish and pray that no one else is so lost that they fall blindly for a guy who makes so many fake promises and is cautious with their life.... and listens to their friends :-) "

Stand up for yourself... Do what you think is right for YOU and i pray all you women [wives, daughters, mothers, mothers-inlaw and every other woman out there] understands the TRUE VALUE of your life and DOES not bend over just cos of some silly SOCIETY or so called "family reputation"... YOU matter more than anything else!!  

22 comments:

Anu said...

thats such a sad story... thankfully with a happy ending....unfortunately, we do hear of such things repeatedly.. and in many cases, i feel that parents are so concerned about their daughter being 'separated' that they go to all lengths to appease the son-in-law, whatever he may do... even now, parents tell their daughters- that is now your house... you should adjust... i simply hate that word these days.. till that attitude changes, nothing else will change.....

gils said...

// even now, parents tell their daughters- that is now your house... you should adjust... /

i think..this shd be taken context based. but yeah..pasanga veetla "un inlawsa adjust panni nadanthuko" nu..very rarely they are told..infact parents take pride of the fact wen their boy kids show their attiude towards their inlaws..which is surely wrong.

Lakshmi said...

brave woman..many women do not have the guts to walk out of the marriage and speak of domestic violence and sexual abuse ..am glad she did

vimmuuu said...

Good for P and Im glad she decided to remarry !

Smitha said...

That is such a sad story. It is sad, isn't it that her parents pushed her to go back to her abusive husband's place? How could they do that to their daughter?

I can never understand how parents ignore their own daughter's unhappiness. Thank god she left him, when she did. It is so nice to hear that she has finally found happiness. Touchwood.

You wrote this with so much sensitivity. Loved reading it.

Jumped over from your comments on my blog and loved what I read :)

rauf said...

vo gaad ! yaarly mmaarneeng, Aiyooo ! Why Orteedee. i am really tired of such stoofeed girls. in our fambily circle i am known as a trubbal maker. rauf will go and make things worse. So they hush things from me.
i scream at the parents who push their daughters back in to hell. if you don like the atmosphere just dump the guy an walk out. oh its not that easy we have to face the society. Society my aaa ffff the society, they are not feeding you. Why its always the girl who has to make sacrifices and all the adjustments. then there is male ego to confront with. i know some clowns who don sit behind girls as a pillion rider. i tell you Orteedee, men will be men, they shouldn't be trusted, its the chokrees who have to be kicked for being so stupid. And they don lissin. They give away everything in a flow of emotions. Their yeddu goes blank. You can't talk to them about equality when they WANT to be inferiors. Idiots, specilly muslims chokrees, they suffer the most as their husbands are half gods. my aaa. and don tok about a green card holdin mapalai.
parents of the girls lick the floor clean when maplai walks in 'prized catch' its called. Too many unpleasant cases to mention Orteedee. They wan to go yammerikka to show off to their friends. its so silly to be one up among friends. My husband is in yammerikka wow ! Kick the chokrees first Orteedee.

myheadtrip said...

God! I have about a day!! Will try! :)

This sure is one of the many stories I have heard off late since I got back to India. Would never be able to get over the boxes we are put into and expect to live our lives in them!! or be ostracised because you break free!! Yes we make the society...but majority unfortunately seems to rule; they also seem to be extremely effective in converting those with no opinion!! pathetic!! Hope more such women like P come out....

chennaigirl said...

//They spoke to S, apologizing for their daughter's behaviour//
Cannot be worser than this, i suppose.
Atlast P found true happiness, and i really admire the man who loves the child like that of his own.
And i like your header very much :)

indianhomemaker said...

I am glad she had the courage and the sense not to go on being a volunteer for physical and sexual abuse.

Perhaps her mother saw what she was going through when she lived with them. I understand it takes a lot of courage to walk out, we all get married with the idea of being settled for life, and unfortunately, in India girls and their families are under immense pressure to stay married ... hats off and best wishes to your friend Aarti.
Thanks for sharing.

Lakshmi Rajan said...

I hope many read this story and learn from the mistakes of P. But nice to know that finally she found an understanding soulmate. The present Mr.P deserves a BIG HUG from me :)

When we think twice, thrice and read reviews, enquire friends etc for buying even small household things, its sad to know that some of the same people make a hasty decission when it comes to marriage...

Btw, Thanks for the tweet and visiting GingerChai :) Nice to find one more good blogger!

Lakshmi Rajan said...

Forgt to add, Best wishes for the contest :)

Vidya said...

This is such a sad story;and it is so true. I have volunteered with family services here in the USA and this story is very normal.

I am glad that her story has a happy ending! :)

umsreflections said...

Quite sad !!! Atleast, P has come out of it, thanks to all the supportive frnds !!!

The parents make this big mistake of internet matrimony and the girl needs to suffer for this. It is better to know the whole background about the boy, before saying yes.

And, may happiness prevail in P's life, with this wonderful man, she has married.

shail said...

Phew, glad to know this ended on a positive noted. Imagine having to go back to the abuser. No marriage is worth repairing if it involves abuse.

Good luck with the competition.

Swaram said...

She is an inspiration for sure Aarti. As u say, sad but glad she walked out and did nt listen to him and go bk. One of my friends hs applied for a divorce too, but her Dad is still trying to convince her to go bk :( When will we ever learn to do whatz gud for us and our loved ones and not guided by the fear of living in the society :(

Thanks for the tag .. sorry I am so late :(

vishesh said...

:| glad that she has found sense.

vawawareness said...

This is a really sad story.. but inspiring as well. And also the thought that parents' support can help the daughter rebuild her life.

Thanks for this inspiring post, Arti..

Sue said...

I'm glad her parents support her now. Perhaps, as IHM pointed out, they needed to see it for themselves.

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