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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Friday, October 9, 2015

G for gratification? -Part I

There are moments in life that leave you stumped- it could be good /bad/ ugly or just weird things... Off late I have been coming across people who seem to be doing things just for a few minutes of attention.. I call it instant gratification!! Once they know they have got the attention from a certain number of people they move on! where? I am guessing to greener pastures.. lol.. Mind you, this applies to both genders~!

While I believe the sole reason people post pictures, selfies, updates on social media sites is also for Instant Gratification, there is much more going on.... Read on... 
 



A couple of months ago, I was asked to write an article on the newest "dating" app in town- Tinder.. Yes the very same that is now on everyone's mobiles, lips and everywhere else.. So, I downloaded the app, and started playing with it to see what it was all about.. 

How it works is, it signs you in with your Facebook account- yes you need an Facebook account..

What you don't have one? 

Come on out from that rock you are living under I say!! pch pch.. You want to date, but dot want Facebook means what nonsense, I Say!

OK, so once you sign in, it gives you the chance to create a profile for yourself.. The space where you go all narcissistic and just go all out, showing off.. I am hot, I am what you are looking for, I am gorgeous, I am a health freak, I am married but here to have fun, I am looking for 'like minded people' and all that jazz... Done?Soopa! Now when you go to the main page, you will suddenly see photos/profiles drop down from the sky... 

Below em photos, you have a X and a Heart symbol... It is for you to either kick the person out or like it .. Either ways, the photo will disappear into the oblivion... 

Swipe to left and it disappears, swipe to right, it disappears... Ya ya I know!!  and then you are left sitting and staring into empty space.. 

But but.. you just might get lucky, the person who you liked could also like your profile and that is called a "match"... and then you begin you hi hello how are you, sky is blue, your eyes are pretty, you are sexy, I am married with two kids but am looking for some fun- want to make out kinda chit chat.. [Oh yes, these are all real stuff, haven't made em up]

Then it is upto you to either continue or unmatch and make them disappear [ but then wait, their profile will reappear in your main page when you login to tinder again... so much for that! ] - I wish Tinder comes up an option of sending them flying into space never to show their face again option soon! 

Again here too I realised it is predominantly about "gratification", the whole concept of being liked, being wanted... There are many who I have chatted with who aren't looking for anything more than a friend.. But why are they on Tinder? Well, a few were honest enough to tell me "I only wanted the  gratification of knowing that I was wanted, that someone else found me attractive. Beyond that, I didn’t want to socialize. I never wanted to know about someone else. I only wanted to stare, chit chat and have some harmless fun" and then there are others who say "am looking to make friends"[they actually mean it :)]

How about that? And then there are those who are on these apps only to hit on someone from the opp/same sex and look for quickie/one nighter/fling/call it what you will.. It is all about sex for them! 

Another question that came into my mind was "Just because a girl chats and is friendly, why do guys assume she is ok to have sex right away?" ... Are men that perverted that they can't think of anything else or is that all they are looking for in life? But then, the other side of the coin is that - am sure there are women out there wanting the same thing, which is probably why some of these men are so upfront and straight on focussed on that one thing.... 

Oh and there is this one other incident I should share - A guy has seen my profile, and liked it. But since I dint like him, it wasn't a match.. now this Mr Hotshot snoops around, finds me on Facebook and sends me a friend request... "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"... I sent him a message asking if I knew him from somewhere.. he then replies " I saw you on Tinder, saw the two common matches, and so decided to connect on FB, wanna chat?" ... I laughed for a good 10mins!! Men are so despo and sad...  
{I declined his friend request and told him not so politely that I don't go around adding random !@$#%% on Facebook".. adios..}

And when you are at the age where I and many others are, you know the people who are on these sites/forums/apps are bound to have been around the block/married/separated/divorced.. but what amazes me is that most men when I ask "So, are you married?", reply "Yes, but it is complicated" errr ummm what do you mean by that? Your wife/spouse is a chimp or is she up a tree and you can't get her down for a decade or you are a strayer and therefore your marriage is on the rocks... Complicated is such a overused, abused word- doesn't make sense! very few are open enough to say "yes" or "in the process of divorce, we are separated"... Cmon guys, be honest, it is a quality us gals appreciate.. 

Nah, I’m not a prude, but I know what I want and I am clear on it!. I could care less if you use it as a hookup app, or whatever else floats your boat.... 

All said and done, I do admit - I have come across some very cool guys as well... and we have hit it off instantly~!! So, there is HOPE!! :-) 


All I can say-  learn to respect people, be open & honest, but don't be pushy and push the other person away without getting to know em...  


This is an article I came upon, quite a good one- http://guff.com/your-brain-on-tinder-will-likes-replace-relationships..


Update -
Over the past few weeks came across one more kind of men.. The kind that claims they "don't judge" but they do just that.. They hop skip jump and judge all over... They don't hesitate to voice their opinions, call you names and go off the cliff for nothing.. 

This guy "Super likes" my profile [ Now i have no clues why or what it even means].. Curious, I like his profile and we are a match.. Now begins the chatting game... After the initial hi hello how are you, I came to know he is of Swiss origin and is currently working/living in UK.. Divorced with a teen son who lives separately. 

After a few minutes, he shares " I am the jealous, possessive kind, so if you are in a relationship let me know, I don't like to be the second guy".. I told him I wasn't in a relationship, which he kept harping on for a good 10mins... Phew!! 

Next came the discussion on why I don't have a surname.. South Indians don't have a surname, we take on our dad's name and then husbands's name i guess.. I did not have a surname, I was just "Aarti.K" until few years ago when I decided to add dad's name to mine, just so people can find me online and know who I am...  This guy just did not get it, he kept at it, making it sound like I was hiding my real name.. [damn, how screwed up are guys?]

That was done.. Next came the two days off we had- Saraswathi Pooja and Vijayadasami..  I told him I was off, he then said "Oh so India is off is it?" .. I said "No, only certain pockets celebrate and they are off"... A good hour went in this... 

Damn, this was tiring!! Agreed he was interesting but I kept asking myself "where is this headed?"... 

Now the icing on the cake came on Thursday... I had told him I was going for the match with friends... He quizzed if I was going with men or women and la la la... I was irked but very amused.. Left it at it..

The night after the match he messages asking how it was, if i had fun.. I answered incorporating as much excitement as I could in the text... lol .. 

And that was when I was in for a jolt..  he goes off on a rant "You did not care that there is someone who cares waiting for you here.. you are away happily enjoying the match.. you Indian women are freaks.. you have no compassion.. you are wasting my time.. la la la tra la la aaaa..." 

I kinda lost it, told him I ain't gonna justify nothing and since he has so many issues, I wished him all the very best in life and clicked on "unmatch" ... over & out! [Talk about weirdos....]


Off I go to see the next lot of possible matches that Tinder throws for me... ;-)


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