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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Battle with the body - VI

Imagine the worst thing you have gone through in life and then in the same breathe read this...

A girl [of about 16 yrs of age] is walking on the street to the post office in a metropolitan city when few other kids [school going girls] who are heading home look at her, point, sneer and comment something to each other before bursting into giggles. This girl halts in her steps and slows down, not wanting to be seen out in the open. She intact starts lurking in the shadow and waits for the girls, and everyone else on the street to go before heading on her way. 

And then come these two guys on the bike, who are staring at her, slow down as they cross her and laugh as they sing "Kaththirikka kaththirikka gundu kaththirikka .."

While these might just be passing moments in the passer by's life, it leaves a lasting scar on the girl's mind. She is left feeling so bad about herself, wondering why she is the way she is and if this is how her life is going to be. Not to forget the gazillion people who under the pretext of being nice and caring tell her she is fat and fugly and nobody would want to marry her. She becomes a recluse, stops going out other than to college, does not have any friends, does not talk to anyone, just sits in her room reading or drawing .... She hates going out with family cos they are embarrassed about her, she doesnt get clothes her size and needs to go to one of the plus size stores and there are people constantly giving her advice on how to lose weight, and why it is not nice to be big.  

At a family function recently, an uncle [about 45yrs of age] came, sat next to her and initiated a conversation, asking her what she did, where was she studying etc. And then few minutes later asked her if she could get him some coffee. She got up and went towards the dining area. Suddenly she feels a hand under her kurti, turned around and saw it was the same uncle there groping her. She started protesting and wiggling out, but he held on tight and tried to push his hands up her breasts under the bra. She threw the cup of coffee on him and bolted back to the main hall looking for her mom. When she told her mom what had happened, her mom promptly gave her a reprimand saying she must have said or done something to provoke him. She writes that she started crying, but had to hold back tears till they got home an hour later... Says she felt alone and lost. Oh and few weeks before her 17th birthday, she even thought of committing suicide.. Why? Because clearly no one in this world loves her or cares about her... She managed to get through her birthday but says everyday is a struggle. 

Born in a family where almost everyone is big built, she says it is surprising that nobody seems to understand what she is going through  or empathises with her. She has joined a gym two weeks ago and goes early in the morning, finishes workout, showers changes and heads to college. Few days ago, a guy who works out there started talking to her, sharing his personal battle with the bulge and she says he is nice, we share our horror stories, laugh over it... maybe there is a friendship brewing there. 

Well, if you think this is a cooked up story and such things don't happen for real, let me stop you right there.. This was an email I received few days ago.  I read, and re-read this email to make sure I was reading it right.. Could not believe that a mom would act this way with her own child.. I mean, wtf is wrong with the world. Why this obsession with size, why this assumption that big is fugly, why this discrimination? 



Sunday, October 23, 2016

Dear Diary... mind wanders

Hey There,


Yes, I do agree.. Am sorry for abandoning you for so long. But well, in my defence I was busy living it up. 

Say what, you don't believe me, is it? haha.. well, what can i say.

I manage to revisit a town I had nearly taken off my list of "fond destinations I have been to" and well, it just might be sneaking back into the list, atleast somewhere at the bottom for now. And whilst there, I had some kind of light bulb moment as well. It dawned on me how much I have changed over the years. Not sure if it was cos of life, or just generally, you know the whole "matures with age, like wine perhaps..lol"

The conversations, the moments, the way I was thinking, the kind of things I wanted to do, the people I connected with- they were all very different from what I would have done few years ago. So I guess somewhere I grew up.. That said, I was glad I still have a bit of the kid left in me. A friend told me I was good fun to talk to- have serious conversations, bounce off ideas, and yet crack up and have quite a few laughs.. Well, I will take that as a compliment and smile away. 

Over the course of months, there have been a few friendships that have become stronger, some have faded and others well they are just there... I guess as with most of us, time is a test for many things in life- work, friendships, memories, pain, la la la, the list is endless. 

I continue to be happy being on my own, I don't long for company, there are very few I miss talking to, some conversations tire me out [they are invariably like the hamster on the wheel, go round and round with no end in sight] and some leave me energised wanting to go conquer the world [or what little I can]



While I sit here waiting for a friend, I look around at the many faces, some waiting for company, while others are focussed on their gadgets, and some have a forlorn look on their faces. A few look up, make contact and smile, while one just turned her face away. This reminds me of the book I love-  Phantoms in the Brain: Probing the Mysteries of the Human Mind  by V. S. Ramachandran .. What can I say, Human beings never cease to amaze me!

Well, ok, enough rambling, might as well go get a start on work ... until next time! 

Love
me

This Monday.. Jump into the deep end


Sunday, October 9, 2016

In touch..

I grew up in Madurai and Tirunelveli before landing in Chennai, so my growing years were quite different.. heck, we dint have a phone at home till I was in my 7th and the same applies for a TV. But then, I never missed them. I was out almost all the time, until mom was yelling out asking me to come back home. School was around the corner, I would go walking and since we lived in a small town, there were a few streets around our home where most of my friends lived in.  We used to go to an aunt's house nearby to watch TV shows and same went true for phone calls, someone from there would come over to tell mom she had a call, and it used to be called Trunk call.. :) 

It was one of those ideal childhoods, I dint have to worry about being out late, did not have to worry about being groped or raped [ I don't think i even knew the meaning of these words back then].  Come holidays, I would be in Chennai at grandparents home , being spoilt by all.- books, tv shows, outings, etc... I was the 1st and only grand kid [grand daughter] for a while.. :-) 

I used to receive post cards from grandpa and uncles whenever they travelled and I still have most of them. I hadn't been introduced to letter writing then, and so the only way to keep in touch was the occasional phone call or during the holidays. And I was more than happy with things the way they were. Infact, my uncles used to visit us with bag full of cassettes and books, they are the ones who got me hooked on music & reading..

Today I woke up wishing I could rewind time..


[Image courtesy www.justretweet.com]


[Image courtesy: www.edutopia.org]

With all this Social media and WhatsApp, I feel there is way too much "contact" and am not too kicked about it. Yes, we do need to keep in touch with our loved ones, but do we need to be in touch all the time.. Do we need to tell them whats happening, whats going on, what we are doing, ask what they are upto etc etc.... It sometimes suffocates and I just switch off Data /wifi and run away [metaphorically] 

The apps I have on my phone were Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, Amazon kindle, Duolingo, Tinder [had few others but deleted them along the way] apart from few other utility based ones [bank and bsnl] ..  

I deleted Facebook about 2 months back and use only Page manager [ my page and client accounts] and it has been quite peaceful.. But yes, I do see there are certain events I am missing out on cos am not on FB, but then its ok. I do check it once in a few days to see if anything earth shattering is posted... There are a few characters who not only post fwds/images/videos on their wall, but feel the need to message me the links and if i havent responded within a few minutes I get the same on whatsapp.. i mean, seriously, chill won't you!..It reminds me of this guy I went out with very very briefly- he would msg on fb, follow it with a text and a whatsapp and even a mail [no am not exaggerating].. it is called stalking, not reaching out :-) 

Twitter - was a fun app few years ago and now seems to have become a place where people wake up looking for something to outage on, or thrust their opinions on.. And then there are those who are looking for ego massages.. [ no am not generalising, but you agree with me...admit it ]

Skype is another app that I have used ages ago, but then stopped and deleted. There are times when guys am talking to insist on doing a Skype call and again I just say no!! Phone works just fine, Thank you! 

Kindle - was telling a friend am tempted to buy one esp since there is an offer going on. But then the whole idea of carrying one more device, worrying about charge, etc just killed the temptation..yayyy

When friends tell me to try  Telegram, Snapchat, Alo or any of the other apps, I blatantly deny cos I have no use for them. Am sure there are gonna be new ones cropping up daily.. Somehow feel we all either have too much time on our hands or just become so lonely that we need to keep active on these many apps so the world doesn't forget us.. Guess we need to draw the line, get our priorities in place and move ahead... :-(  

While I do love it, esp cos it is part of what I do for a living, and am always curious about whats new, I sometimes feel it has taken over our lives.. 

Technology - I love it and gotta learn to live with it ~!! 

An interesting article about why people use social media