My photo
Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Friday, April 7, 2017

Growing old and other such fun things

No, this has nothing to do with a big birthday that is coming up few months down the road. It is more about dealing with people and age and other such things. 

I live with my gramma [mom's mom], I had been living with her and grandpa for a good decade before moving out to live on my own. And then as life would have it, things went down the drain, grandpa passed away and I moved back in here-it just felt like the natural thing to do.. So now I live with my gramma [she turned 82 few weeks back.] in a house she and grandpa built back in 1966.. A large house with just the two of us, but sometimes it feels like one too many :-) 

While it is good to live in this house, with plenty of space etc, there are days when I feel claustrophobic...I wish I could just fly away to a world where I know none.. 

Yes, we there are daily battles between us- most of which revolves around surprises there! What shall we cook for lunch today, wait it is wednesday/friday/amavasai/krithigai/masa paruppu[new month] and so on... ergo the menu will change, certain dishes/veggies will get shoved aside while few items will come show off in the front [pch pch] I will do some huff puff walking away, but eventually drag myself back to the kitchen to help gramma out or take over. She is quite stubborn when it comes to the way things are made- the ingredients, the way veggies are chopped, the kind of veggies used all the way down to the pot you cook it in. I agree and understand they are used to a certain format, but this whole "I will not budge, my way or high way" kinda gets to me. 

I remember when grandpa was around, he would throw quite a tantrum at the dining table every day during lunch time cos the veggies in the dish would not have been cut a certain way, or the pairing would be off  These got worse with age. Something that took me a while to understand. 

One thing have come to understand is that "as people grow older, they become babies".  True that, their needs, wants change, they crave attention, they enjoy sweets/treats... 

For ex, every time I would go out, I would invariably pick up something for them- donuts, sweets, snacks, or something else, but always return with a bag. Grandpa's eyes would go straight to my hands to see what I had brought back .. no matter what mood he was in before I walked in home, it would change and he would be happy..His favourite moments where retelling history, sharing stories from days/era gone by [even though after awhile we felt he was living in that world and not in the present, it dawned upon us those were happy times for him] :-) 

While there were moments of frustration, there were quite a few moments of joy which made up for it... Now that he has passed away, I see gramma change with every passing day... She has her opinions and sticks to em, loses temper when things don't go her way[which is almost always] or when she is unable to walk as fast as she used to or spend as much time as she used to in the kitchen, and so on. I try to be as patient as possible and help out wherever I can... and other times she gets upset and cries [which breaks my heart]... I being me keep asking her about titbits, how things were when she was newly married etc to keep her and me sane... Sigh!! 

On the other hand, there is my other gramma [dad's mom]who is 92, lives with my parents in our apartment. She had a bout of illness recently, which made her frailer [if such a word even exists], and she now lies in bed almost all day, or is lying on the diwan in the living room watching tv and is up and about only to shower and come to the dining table to eat. But when I do visit my folks, she is up and out, sitting and talking with me non stop. Mom says she is up and active whenever there are people over. :D.. But over the weeks I notice changes in her- dementia mainly. She has asked us if Diwali is over, if a cousin visited from UK or is yet to come, mixes up stuff she ate that day for lunch.  Recently, when I was leaving to head out, she calls me to her side and says "nee enakku karaikudilerundu pudavai vangindu vanthein sonna.. atha enkitta kuduthudu [you told me you had picked up a saree for me from karaikudi, give it off to me ok]. I replied that I had indeed given it to her right then, she had then passed it on to mom saying it wasn't comfortable, I shall ask mom to give it back to her... 

Sigh, breaks my heart to see people who were such strong personalities turn like this. But yes, we all need to accept that age isn't a pleasant thing and we need to accept that our body is aging as well as the mind and make peace with it. Cant force yourself to do things you did back in your youth, but keep it active enough to get through the day. 

I had the fortune of having my great grandmother along with us till mid 90s [dad's gramma]. She was such a fireball- you would see her stacking vessels in the kitchen or sharing stories with us grandkids. I was the only grandchild on both sides [for 12.5yrs on mom's side and 2yrs on dad's side]. it was she who taught me to play pallankuzhi, told me such amazing stories [kozhakattaikku kannu kaathu mookku undodi] and few shlokas [most of which I still remember]. She and gramma lived with us for as long as I can remember [grampa passed away in 80s]

I keep telling mom ,dad and others to take care of their health, make sure to eat well and do all they want to [without holding back]. But they dont get it.. Amidst all this I try and survive, one day at a time, making sure I live my life my way without cutting too many corners or stepping on too many toes. We have only one life to live, remember? 

My only prayer is to live a healthy life doing things I enjoy and one day just poof , be gone! No falling ill, long bouts of being bed ridden and all that jazz.. I will stab myself if something like that happens..lolz. 

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Battle with the body - IX

1) Few weeks ago, while on Twitter, I stumbled upon an article that led to some snooping around till i finally found the profile connected to it.. Have been following them since then and must say it is quite nice to see someone talk about being big, and issues that big people face openly... 

The profile is yrfatfriend  

Over the weeks, have been discovering others who are in a similar boat, and we have discussions about life and how things have changed over time. Recently, I read this blog post "How to love a fat person" on this blog and well, it was quite a revelation. 

The post is about how a guy approaches a girl, talks to her, asks for her number. He then walks over to his gang of friends and there is loud cheers all around with the guys turning to look at her, point at her and you get the drift right? She is hurt that the guy was talking to her just on a dare... Sigh.. the things people do for cheap thrills. 

2) Reminds me of an incident from my school days...though in this case it was just some kiddish fun.. I was in 8th or 9th std, in a co-ed school and it was Rakhi day. One of my classmates dared me and a friend to go tie rakhi to a senior. We hesitated, but then went ahead , called the guy out, his friends kept hooting and cheering, this guy clueless came out and we instantly attacked, tied rakhi and bolted. He had a look of "wtf just happened" on his face. Its another thing that we became friends and even went out a few times... 

3) Last evening a friend and I were talking travel, and somehow the conversation twisted turned and ended up talking about call girls, escorts, and slowly topic veered towards the women/trans we see lurking about in dark alleys looking for someone to pick them so they could make some money. The friend mentioned spotting a place called "Orchestra bar" in Bombay, located above a small mall of sorts with stores. He walked into the bar out of curiosity, only to be led to a table by a staff member who went on to bring him his beer. Friend spotted another man walk in, go to a table near the centre of the place and start pulling out wads of cash. Apparently the place offers live music performance by women and then there are few other women standing around just looking at the performers. In about half hour, the mysterious guy walked out. The staff member serving my friend told him "Saar, he comes once a week,his family is downstairs shopping. And in half an hour that man gave away 3 Lakhs, and that one girl in the band made 3Lakhs". The man was specific about who he gave the money to, and made sure it was to the prettiest of them all.  One other girl who smiled at him was shrugged off with a remark about her being moti [fat].. 

I wondered what he got out of this kind of spending? Did he get turned on watching that girl sing? Some mental high maybe? There was no sex, no touching or no exchange between them other than the money. Strange is the way of the world I guess. 

4) Back whenI was living alone, one evening while walking back home I mustered up enough courage to go kick up a conversation with a well dressed woman/man waiting for a customer. I was carrying nothing but my house keys and phone in my pocket. I smiled, said hi. This person said hi in a deep husky male voice. I then asked if they minded me talking to them. He said no. I asked if he was a regular in that area, what was life like, if he did something else.. He patiently answered, while constantly looking around to see if any potential customer was in the offing. Told me he worked in a Call centre during the day, and spent a few hours in evening dressing up and serving clients. He made about 30K on a good night and lowest was 2K. He spent nearly 1K on makeup and hair... Says he does not have girl friends cos he is very effeminate in his mannerism and girls make fun of him. He loves to talk about clothes, make up and this is a big turn off with the women .. He discovered this venue of dressing up and making some money because he would just get out of home every evening, his mom went on about he needs to "MAN" up and find a girl and settle down.. 

Looks like anything out of the ordinary is just not acceptable.. Any personal experiences or stories to share? Do send them to 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 1 picture of yourself

Well, its that time again, the challenge has come to an end and it is time for the last task.. It says share a picture of yourself, well, the poster below sums me up better than I could ever have said it.. 

Until the next time.. adios~! 

Monday, January 16, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 2 Songs

I love Music, I need Music all the time, be it when am working, cleaning, reading a book or just about anything. It helps me stay grounded, helps me stay focussed and just drift away into a world where no one but ME matter.. :-) I have a gazillion songs in my iPod, but the playlist varies, depending on my mood and frame of mind. So, picking just two was a mammoth task, but managed to ..

1. My Favourite Things - From Sound of Music which is my all-time favourite movie is a song I love listening to over and over... 

2. I hope you dance by Ronan Keating  - A song where every word is beautiful, makes so much sense, especially in today's world where people don't really have time for anything, they are constantly in a hurry to get from Point A to B and onwards...

Sunday, January 15, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 3 Films

Am a movie buff alright, infant there are quite a few times I go for movies on my own. Dig into a bowl of popcorn and enjoy the flick. So, asking me to pick just 3 is an unfair task.. Anyways, here goes..

1. The Sound of Music - Maybe cos it was one of the first movie I watched, I love it to no end. We used to have a VCR of the movie and few decades later, I picked up a DVD as well. Love the story, the songs, the kids, the way the story pans out, well love everything about it... 

2. Bangalore Days [Malayalam] - Yes, we are jumping decades ahead. This movie I watched with friends [in malayalam] and loved it. Infact it has become my "Go to" movie whenever am bored, or feeling blah. Such a fun movie...

3. Inside Out - I love animated movies and this is one of my favourite. Inside out is all about a girl and her varied emotions, how Joy tries to over power the other feelings and what happens at the end. Absolutely adorable movie. 

Saturday, January 14, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 4 Books

How true is this quote? I love reading and there are times when you will find me lost in not one but two books at the same time.. Infact, there is a running joke at home that you could leave me in a room with books, some water and lock me up- I would be happy..

Also, this challenge is weird. They ask us to list down Nine loves and seven wants but for books and movies, the numbers are 4 & 3.. lolz.. Well, I might cheat a bit and mention authors, but heck, if you are looking for book recommendations, you should follow this list and pick up any of them and thank me later..Here goes my list..

1. Enid Blyton - The mystery of the five find outers, naughtiest girl in school, the faraway tree are some of the books that come to my mind right away. I grew up reading these.My uncles would visit us in Tirunelveli  and every time they came, they were armed with a box of books and music cassettes and that is where my love for both began. 

2. Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute (Author) - A dear friend told me about this book and I hunted high and low for it. At the end ordered for a copy and within a few days had it. It is very different from anything I had read, quite inspiring and interesting as well. 

3. The Magic by Rhonda Bryne- This book definitely deserves a mention here. It is a book I picked up on a friend's recommendation and it changed my life [ not in a I saw the light at the end of tunnel, it called out my name blah blah kind]. It has 28 chapters and at the end of the chapters is a small activity to be done. You will see the difference within  a few days. And these are simple things, like make a list of 10 people/things that have made a difference in your life etc.. It is basically all about being grateful for the things/people/animals/etc we have in our lives and carrying the positive thoughts in our mind.

4. Haruki Murakami - How can I not mention him right? His books are interesting, off beat and his writing style is quite like no other you will find. My uncle gifted me quite a few and now my collection is nearly complete. I am already looking forward to his next book. Recently finished reading his Absolutely on music. 

Friday, January 13, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 5 Foods

Am not too fussy when it comes to food, but yes I do have certain things that I prefer over others. 

1. If there is one thing that I have put on this world to do it is to enjoy a good Apple Pie. Apple, cinnamon and a bit of sugar- now this is what I call heaven. Oh and it better be piping hot. Have been longing to try this at home, but worried if the pie crust will go bonkers on me and leave me in tears... ;) 

2. I love love Dal Bhaati churma and actually anything that is from Rajasthan. Love the stuff they use and the dishes- so simple and delicious

3.If ever there was rebirth, I would love to be reborn as Pesto sauce. Basil, Garlic, olive oil, cheese, pine nuts... ahh, drool!

4.  Well, what the heck, we are talking about food and drinks are part of foods..hehe.. A nice tall glass of Long Island Iced Tea made well will have me grinning away... 

5. How can I forget, my all time favorite- Rice and Thai Green curry.. 

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 6 places

Ah, how I wish I could take a world map, put a pin across all the countries/places I would love to explore and be done with it.. :D 

1. My personal space-  This is the most precious of them all. Wherever I am, wherever I am at peace is a space is cherish and treasure. I don't like others intruding or wanting to share it with me. It is not about sq mts or how many cupboards/fancy stuff there is, it is just my private space..

2. Chennai- The city I have come to call home. I don't think I can actually live anywhere else and yes, I am quite proud of my city and will defend it to the end with those who claim it is boring, no life etc..

3. The Entire country- India - There is so much to see, so much history hidden in the walls that I am in constant awe overtime I visit a town. One lifetime sure ain't enough to see it all.

4. Near the water- I find peace and calm near water bodies. I can sit, wander about or just be and I feel happy. 

5. Sri Lanka- The one country that I have fallen in love with. The people, the places, the food- it was all so warm and lovely.. I wouldn't mind going back here

6. Books - I shall happily get lost amidst the pages of a book ...

Thursday, January 12, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 7 wants

[image courtesy: Jakovlev`s Journal]

Hmmm.. ummm... errr.. Been staring at this box for about an hour wondering what my 7 wants could be. I don't really want anything, but then heck let me see if I can come up with stuff that would be good..

1. To always be happy with my own company... 

2. That said, I do want to be the reason a certain someone looks at their phone and smiles... :D

3. To become a good successful writer- people should want to read me!

4. Want to be able to make the most of the time available.. 

5. To never stop wanting to learn new things 

6. To always have enough to provide for the Doggies out on the street

7. Finally, I want to be Loved and Respected for who I am.. 

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 8 Fears


Am one of those who knows she has certain fears, but tries to overcome them, or convert them into strengths.. Here are mine...

                                                                  8 Fears

1. Being late - I hate being late to anything- movies, dinners, concerts,events, meeting, weddings, etc etc...I start getting antsy if I have made plans with someone and they are delayed which causes me getting delayed. There have been times when I cook up an excuse so I can go on my own just to be on time!

2. Losing control - To a large extent I can control my emotions, even my tongue, but there are those rare times when it escapes and I end up regretting it later. Something am working on, consciously and I see it being in my control... Just don't want to lose it one too many times.. 

3. People - As much as I enjoy meeting people [known and unknown], there are a few who put me off, who at first sight somehow give out vibes that don't sit well with me. And then there are a few who I just don't get along with, so overtime I go to an event/meet/function where I know this/these people will be there, I go with a sense of dread... 

4. Eunuchs - I know they are also people, they need to be given the same treatment etc, but the past experiences have left me scared and so even today when I see a Eunuch on the street, I hide and make sure they don't see me. Few years ago when I living on my own, the apartment complex was on a main road, and there would be a big gang of em along with other prostitutes/transgender folks who would at times block the road and not let us walk past unless we pay them.. Have also been accosted by them in the train, traffic signal and all this just rattles my cage. I don't understand their behaviour, wish they dint act this way but until i see/experience differently, this fear shall linger. 

5. Taken for granted - I hate, absolutely hate being taken for granted- by family, friends and others. And these days I get a sense/intuition when someone approaches me [with an ulterior motive] and I am quite blunt with them. Call me rude, but hey you ain't gonna walk all over me and get your way... not if I can help it.. 

6. Elephants - Gentle giants- gah~! I am shit scared of em, have always been [don't know if there was any traumatising incident that happened when I was small, or some such].. During my trip to Sri Lanka, we visited Pinnawala, the elephant orphanage. I was holding my heart in my throat as we walked in, I put on a brave face, even touched a baby elephant, fed it, walked around and so on... But all the while I was petrified, I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure one wasn't charging at me or running amok. In temples across India, wherever there is an elephant, I either walk all the way around it or avoid the place altogether. 

7. Bad travel companions- I understand you don't know how a person is going to be when you plan a trip, but then a few trips have taught me some people turn out to be the worst travel companions. They have a mind of their own, kinda force their agenda on you and well, make it feel like a trip you should have avoided or one that you could have done on your own. So, nowadays am wary when someone says "I wanna travel with you". 

8. Being ignored /unloved-  While I love myself, I do yearn to experience "love", the sense of being "wanted/needed" by another person..Sometimes the fear that my life might end without me experiencing this sets in, but then I shut it off saying there is still time, lets see what the universe has in store for me..

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge : 9 Loves

9 Loves

Onward we go... the 2nd day is dedicated to sharing 9 Loves... Love is probably one word that is over used, under appreciated and well, it also at times leave you feeling confused and in a muddle. Lets see what I come up with for today,

1. Dogs - There I said it[like you didn't know already :)]. My dream is to own a property/space where I bring in all them cuties that need shelter... 

2. Books- At any given point of time you would see me with a book. I read like crazy and sometimes read 2 books side by side. I wish I had this kind of dedication when it came to writing book reviews... sigh..

3. Travel - Ever since I discovered the joy of travel, I keep dreaming of trips, planning them in my head and well,some do happen for real. I have also learnt it is fun to travel on my own, explore and wander, lost in my own thoughts. It is something I tell all I meet- do a trip alone [even if only once]

4. Watching People - Be it at train stations, in the mall, airport, on the streets- it is good fun watching people. Their behaviour, little quirks, or just the way they stand/sit/read/etc.... 

5.  Apple Pie- If there is one dessert I cannot resist, it is the humble Apple pie. If you serve me a slice of hot apple pie I will be your friend for life.. :D

6. Walking - I love walking, infant there is a running joke among few friends about how I drag em around on foot ..hehe.. If the weather is good, all the better .. 

7. Music - I listen to music when am working, working out, walking, reading, cleaning, travelling, cooking, you get the drift right? my iPod has been with me for a good 8 yrs and going strong [shh, no evil eyes]

8. Experimenting with food - I absolutely enjoy trying out new recipes, new cuisines and indulging in street food. Am a vegetarian who loves eggs, so when I got to try Quail eggs in Bangkok, i did it with such excitement. I enjoy cooking and a food blogger as well [no surprises there]

9. Me- Save the best for last, right?! I love ME. Yes, I really really do. I don't care what the world thinks of me, or how they perceive me, but at the end of the day I love ME for being Me and wouldn't change a thing... 

Phew, now that was a tough one... 

Monday, January 9, 2017

10 Day ‘You’ Challenge: 10 Secrets

This was a Challenge I spotted on Mayuri's blog and thought it looked interesting.. The first one is 10 Secrets.. Arghhh, why does it have to be so tough. Those who know me, know I am quite the private person and only close friends know that little bit extra about me, looks like it is time to spill some of em beans here.. :D

10 Secrets..

1. I enjoy being on my own- being home with a book/music, going for movies, eating out, shopping, etc.. 

2. I don't really like to share my things- though off late I have begun giving books away

3. I have quite a few nicknames and it warms my heart when friends use em :D

4. I hate Jasmine flowers- I gag at the mere sight of em..

5. I love Eggs 

6. I am awesome at keeping secrets

7. I enjoy cleaning and being organised. Luckily don't feel the need to clean/organise others' spaces

8. I get the best ideas and thoughts when in the shower 

9. I hated history during school days and now love it 

10. The biggest secret of em all is that I am the most private person you will meet till you get to know me :D