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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Battle with the body - XV - Unsolicited advice..

A person I knew from donkey's years ago _ "Hi, You should wear full sleeves, it will thin you down" 

A friend's aunt in the elevator - " hi beta, have you tried VLCC or Body focus, I bet it would work wonders for you" 

The mother before we leave for a wedding - "Is that the blouse you are wearing, don't you have one that is longer and one that will cover the tattoo?" 

Woman in a grocery store standing few yards away -" Oh my god, look at her, how is she so fat, she should do something about it"

I kid you not, these are actual words of wisdom I have received/heard from people. And no, these were not just from recent times, these go back to the days when I was 8/9 yrs of age...  So yes I have been on the bigger side [ bigger than the kid you see running on the street] and so life has not been easy, until a few years ago when I learnt to channelise all that energy and focus it on loving myself, being happy with myself instead of cringing and crying at every remark... 


How I see me is different from how you see me & the latter is something I care two hoots about..


If you have met me, you will know am quite unconventional, living completely outside the box [actually don't think I ever lived anywhere near it as well] and over the years have accepted that people will be people, it is upto me to decide "if I wanna react, let them ruin my life, or take charge and live life on my own terms". 

A few days ago, a guy I connected with on Tinder also made a comment "by the looks of your photo, you must be on the heavier side.. My guess would be it is either PCOS or Thyroid.. get them checked out...  he went on to add - am not like other guys, who upon seeing a plus size girl comment on how big you are.... " I actually retorted saying "yes, I was thinking of redoing Thyroid test, no PCOS thankfully... and well times have changed, these days I don't hear snide/sarcastic/twisted comments from guys that much" .. He was silent and then closed off saying "That's good". 

Since I belong to the plus size community, I can only talk about my experiences in this space. Over the years, the fashion industry in our country has also evolved and now we get clothes our size... Sometime back I remember there was a discussion on twitter, and there were quite a few who said "Please don't make it sound like it is alright to be big and fat, people need to get healthy. If you make clothes across sizes they will do nothing and remain a blob"...  [Yes such folks do exist] 

Yesterday, a friend had tweeted this 
 23 hours ago
-rs, Do you think we're oblivious to our issues? That we choose to be so? Did you know that some days we refuse to look at the mirror because we're scared? Every single day, there are things that make us feel like crap. Please don't be one of those things.

----- I felt sad reading this and replied saying I used to be in his shoes but have changed over time & love myself too much to bother about the shamers.... What do they get by mocking others? And all because someone is different... sigh!! 

It is not just people who are thin or big who get free advice, I have also seen new moms flooded with advice. Do this for your baby, feed him/her like that. Have seen people reprimand a mom cos her child was throwing a tantrum [at a bookstore, the mom literally carried the child and ran out the store]... Only a few days ago , a friend who is single parenting [husband away on work] was talking about how frustrated she was with family just tossing advice on what to feed, how to care for their under 1 yr old son. She was at her wits end and ready to just throw in the towel and disappear.... 

Why is it people are always ready to doll out advice? 
Don't they think about the other person before opening their mouths? 
Or do they think they are superior and know something worldly that they feel needs to be shared? 
Even parents/grandmothers/grandfathers and elderly aunts/uncles/others in the family spew out advice , one after the other without a pause or even catching their breath.... But even that has a limit. 

Stop it, I say! Yes, I know you have lived life, seen things, and experienced whatever, but let me learn through my experiences & live my life my way! 

A friend of mine used to share her experiences as a married woman, most of which was negative and painful, but then at the end she would say "you will learn by making your own mistakes.. no matter how much I share, it will make no difference , each relationship/person is different". Exactly~ 

This is something I wanna scream from the rooftop for the world to hear... 
let people live, 
let them make mistakes and learn from it or else live to regret it, 
let people unravel their mysteries one page at a time, 
let people breathe and wrap their head around situations 
RESPECT Personal Space and Boundaries...
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DO NOT jump the gun and give them unsolicited advice..
DO NOT tell them how to do this or that
DO NOT keep correcting things as someone makes an attempt
DO NOT breathe down someone's throat 
DO NOT act like you are the KING/QUEEN of the world..


Wednesday, August 29, 2018

W for Working from Home..

The first thing I saw when I logged into twitter yesterday was this tweet and that triggered the post.. Be warned, it is a long one..

Vivek -- Let’s make one thing clear: Work from Home isn’t leave. Work from He isn’t holiday. Work from Home if anything is 100 times more dedication, control and will power.



I have been working from home [as a freelancer] for over a decade. What does that mean?

  • Well, I take on projects and work on them from home.. 
  • Sometimes I do visit client office but I dont go to an office daily, or spend 8+hours there... 
  • I get money only if I work, I dont get a salary at the end of every month
  • I dont get any of the perks or advantages of working at a regular job 
  • I dont get x number of days off.. 
  • Everyday is a working day, or holiday for me! :D [Depends on the projects I take on]
  • We are our own boss and employee as well, so we need to have certain level of dedication and conviction to get a job done. 
  • Learning to juggle multiple clients, send out contracts, follow up with invoices is all part of my job.. Nobody else is gonna do it for me.
  • I offer services to clients and obtaining clients depends on how good my work is and on references..
  • There are days when am not in the mood or unwell, but then work doesnt stop, deadlines dont take a pause... 
  • Advantage is that am my own boss, and I get to work at my pace 
  • I create a to do list first thing daily and recheck at the end of the day to see how much was done.. 
  • It gives me flexibility to travel, and sometimes I carry work with me :D 
  • The biggest downside of this is that - The concept of working from home is still new to most people in our country, especially families where they have never had anyone do that


When I quit my job at XYZ [a leading IT/ITES company], entire family piled on me asking me why I quit the job at such a big company, how I should have stuck on for a few years there considering there are many who have been there for decades and decades.. They don't get that I was unhappy there.. Yes, the job was good, I enjoyed what I did, but the people made life hell, and the fact that there was no work- life balance at all. I was in HR [Recruitments], and would go into work at around 9.30 -10am and get back home way past midnight. No holidays, no festivals, nothing... Saturdays when I used to go for 3hrs for Spanish class, folks would give me a "oh my god, you took off just like that, how could you?"....

Fast forward to a decade+ later, the situation is still same at home.. They still dont understand the concept of "working from home"... They assume am at home for x hours in a day, glued to laptop, but then it probably means am jobless or watching random stuff, or killing time.. So, there are constant yells and demands to do this and that, the doorbell that rings incessantly- iron lady, courier, delivery, driver enquiring something, etc and the endless family calls to reach gramma [ cos she invariably doesnt answer her cellphone and they all assume its fine to call me anytime of the day]... Aaarrgghhhh.... 

This has not really changed over the years.. just that in between, I kinda lost it and moved out to live on my own.. It was sheer bliss- cant begin to explain how amazing it was.. Work, focus on what am doing, chill when I can and well, just do my own thing!! Oh well, good things seldom last long... Yes, I did have door bell/courier/delivery, cooking and other activities when I lived alone, but I did have to deal with people taking me for granted and assuming am free all the time... 

And now am back here , and its a daily battle- to find mind space, trying to complete projects, sometimes having to draw the line quite loud for them to get the message. 

I remember these few incidents with family that irk me till date,

1) During my mid/late 20s, when parents were desperately trying to get me married off... They had created a horrorscope [ yes, I call it that] and I kid you not, under the category "Profession", they had said "She works from home, nothing stable, maybe makes about Rs30000].. *this stung/stings like hell, considering I was slogging my ass off and making about 3 times that money*

2) We were at a different town for some religious purpose.. Mom & I were standing in line for Dharshan when a lady came up to mom and during the course of their chit chat, she asked if I was a relative/sister/etc... Mom clarified I was her older daughter [ I have a younger sis who is more known to the world...] and that lady enquired what I did, mom as always jumped the gun "oh she works from home, my younger one works at Google, tra la la..."and that was that... * it stung and I had to bite back tears... cos I always thought my mom who is a home maker is one who works at home*

To give a bit of background- I have been living with my grandparents[maternal] since 2000, freelancing since 2007, and till date I doubt if my parents know what exactly I do.... They have not bothered to ask or find out... 


  • Why is working from home such a blah thing? 
  • Is it just my family or same in many others as well? 
  • Why are we folks who work from home not respected as those who squat at offices? 
  • People [aka family] would rather I be miserable but working at XYZ company than being my own boss and working from home/freelancing....? 

Cant wrap my head around this.. dont think I ever will.. 

There are days when I get so bugged at home, that I go to a cafe or friend's house and work peacefully.. It is only there am able to focus and do justice..  So, whenever someone says "oh gosh, you are so lucky to work from home, I tell them - lets swap places and then we shall talk".... It takes extra grit, effort and control from my part to remain calm, focussed and get things done!

On the other hand, I do have friends who love working from home [ some work at companies that allow them to work remotely and others freelance like me].. What is the one thing common between them- they live alone.. note that point!! :)

To give you a rough idea of my daily routine, here is a pie chart ... 



Monday, July 2, 2018

Battle with the body - XIV - Conditioning of the mind!


Few weeks back, a post by a lady I follow caught my eye and had my attention as well. It is something that I have been talking about on the blog- body image, body shaming and how the so called society has defined certain rules of how a woman should look, what she should wear etc and how many women are still caught in this web and feel low /under confident etc... 

This lady had put up a picture and spoke about how women need not confine to the rules laid down and women need to be able to feel confident in all they do. I somehow couldnt resist leaving a comment and then it went on to become quite a long discussion, going to and fro. It was almost like we were fighting the same fight but on two different sides of the table... Talking from each one's point of view, we were at the end of the day saying the same thing.

She came from the skinny side and I from the chubby side of the fence.. that was the only difference between us.  We were both from small towns where the chance of getting poked and made fun of was bigger than the city... 

It did take me quite a few years to get over all the mocking and body shaming to come to this point where I love my body and am happy the way I am... Yes, I do diet, work out etc but all that is more from a continue to stay healthy perspective and lead a healthy life with no aches and pains... 

I have friends who are thin [yes am using the word thin, because that is one the world understands]. But yet she feels she is heavy... From the time I have known her till date, she has never felt good about herself.. It is always something or the other... She refused to wear sleeveless because she had chubby forearms, she wouldn't wear shorts for the same reason even though she loved em and would happily wear em at home.. She is now on a Keto diet [ who isnt, right?] and finally reached a level where she feels she has reached her desired size and wore a sleeveless blouse few weeks ago and showed it off.. 

Few days back when I was talking to a guy friend of mine, he casually asked me what I wear at night. I replied T-shirt and shorts and no undergarments. 

He was quite surprised and we chatted for a few minutes, he felt strongly that it might not be appropriate for me to be dressed like that [even at home]. I kinda lost it , but kept my cool and debated it till he gave up... I mean, I know my limits, I am not the kind to strut about in skimpy clothes outside or go out on the street wearing clothes that did not suit me or were inappropriate. But then, I decide what I wear, and what is appropriate, not others.. 

Why are we all conditioned to follow invisible rules? I remember during my early years, I would wear frocks [ mom would get a whole batch of them stitched - I was broad and tall back then itself].. I would wear them to school on Friday[colour dress], would wear them after school on other days, out to play and so on. And then somewhere along the way it changed... Don't remember if it happened before or after we moved to Chennai...

I slowly stopped wearing them, it was then onto school uniform [which was shirt pinafore] and into salwar kameez  [which was also the school uniform in 11th & 12th stds]. For festivals and functions I would wear pavadai thavani [long skirt, blouse and a dupatta of sorts across like a saree pallu- half saree as it was called].. I distinctly remember mom saying I couldnt wear short sleeve blouses for the sarees, they were always upto my elbow, folding into an ugly crease at the elbow bend...  

I don't think I had an opinion on clothes, cos it was mom who always decided and got things done. Mom and gramma would go out shopping and come armed with salwar fabric and they would get stitched in similar fashion and I had clothes for the next few months sorted. The only variation was sometimes it was crepe and other times it was cotton. This is how life went on till I was done with college...

Now when I look back, I realise a lot of it is to do with the mind conditioning. I was told I was big and fat, and tall and so couldnt wear anything but salwar, nothing else suited or covered up the flabs. All this changed close to a decade ago when I started experimenting and my wardrobe changed...

What are the things you deal with or have fought against related to this? Do share... 

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

This Monday.... Acceptance


[Image source: http://getzkick.com/how-to-stop-dreaming-of-perfection-and-learn-to-accept-yourself/]

Thursday, April 26, 2018

[Share] 17 F*cks you should finally stop giving...

I recently read this book called The Subtle Art of Not giving a F*ck by Mark Manson and it was a brilliant read... It covered various aspects that I have been following and talking about with those around me...

Amazon link in case you wanna buy the book..


And today morning, while randomly browsing the net, I came upon this article that made even more sense... Principles I follow 99% in life... Had to share it with you readers... 

Do share your thoughts on the same..




Thursday, April 19, 2018

Movie goers ..

Do you love movies? Watching them in the cinema hall, on the big screen or would you rather watch it at home on your TV/ laptop [streaming it online] ?

Well, am one of those who loves to watch them on the big screen and people who know me, know that 99.99999% of the time, I go for movies alone.. Not because I hate going with people or dont have people to go with, just that most times I finish work, up & go for a movie. I cant expect friends to be available at the drop of a hat.. There are times when we plan and go for one as well, but those are far & few between. 




Over the years, have noticed there are different kinds of movie goers around.. And for someone like me who loves watching/observing people, it is sheer delight and agony... 

Serious kind
These are the lot who are in their seats ahead of time and hooked on the movie.. They don't pick up snacks, no pop corn, no coke or water and all they do is sit still in their seats watching the movie. They sit from the starting through the ads and all the way to the final credits... 

I am normally glued to the scene, but do look around every once in a while... I grab a tub of popcorn, a bottle of water and thats all I need, am happy camper..

I love these folks, but wonder how they are so glued in? some don't blink, trust me i have stared few seconds ...hehe..

Chitty Chatty type
The groups [of more than 3 people] who come and chat through the movie. It is like they are catching up during the few hours at the theater. Sometimes in the group, one person might seem interested in the movie, while other two are just talking away.... 

Recently at Hichki, I had the honor of sitting next to two women[50s], who did nothing but mock Rani Mukherjee everytime she had a tic, poke at her, make lewd comments and when they werent doing this, they were on the phone giggling away..  I told em to be quiet, then later to zip it, and relief happened when they walked out saying what a boring movie just before interval... *throws hands in the air*

I don't mind the occasional chit chat, but for people to talk through the movie, dude, go sit at a coffee shop I say!

React non stop... 
"Oh no, what are they doing?"  "Aiyo pavam..." "Sheesh, she shouldnt have said that"... Some of the statements people make during the movie.. They react, they react to every damn dialogue and scene... They are either saying things, or gasping at the scene... And then there are those who will close their eyes, shut their mouths at times accompanied by a sound.... sigh! Never ending.. 

I get that you are expressive, but can you not be so jumpy and vocal about it?!!

The confused one

These lot are the most irritating.. I mean initially I don't mind indulging them and explaining the plot or dialogues but after a point am like " you stay home, I will watch the movie, and come back narrate the whole thing to you"..  They are confused, don't follow the story, and keep asking questions... 

Let me watch in peace I say!! [There have been times when I have asked a friend for an explanation, but that has happened when I watching a Malayalam movie and don't understand certain words.. But I make sure to wait for a song, or break before asking]

Glued to the Phone 
There are some who look completely out of place [you know they are not into movies or that particular language/genre] and yet they will sit smug with their phones in their hands... What do they do? Talk.. talk aloud.. talk nonstop...  talk about their home, their lunch, their mommy daddy granddaddy pakkathu veettu daddy and what not... They do business transactions and talk about visiting people... 

I find them the most annoying kind!! If you are at a theater, respect the space and shut it or go out side sit in the open atrium in the mall and chat away, I say! 

Baby folks
Couples and families who walk in with a tiny bundle or one that is tiny enough to run between your legs.. While I love that families go out together to catch a movie, I dont understand why they would bring the little bundle along... I mean, I feel bad for the baby, the sound in the theater must be too loud, not to forget the fight scenes and song dance routine which is jarring... And then comes the moments when the baby decides he/she has had enough of this nonsense and wants to escape.. They cry till one of the family member hushes them and takes them out of the hall. I wish they find someone who can take care of the baby, or atleast be with them outside the theater for the movie duration... 

Worst are the families who dont take the baby/kid out of the theater, but let them scream and howl away... Why Why why.. Is it just the  "I want the entire theater to experience what we are going through at home" 

Couples 
Uff, what do I say? For long I had only seen and heard about couples making out in the theater but off late I have seen it in our very own... While am fine with them doing whatever they wanna do, maybe they need a dark air conditioned space to get them going, why do it in a theater? Just cos it is cheaper than a hotel room and there is no moral policing here? I have had the privilege of sitting in the row ahead of a couple who chatted through the movie.. 

At the end I turned and told em "Thanks for ruining my experience".. The guy actually apologised while the girl got cocky and said why should we apologise, we dint do anything wrong.. The guy stopped her and apologised some more... 

I guess am one of those who has such sharp hearing that people talking few rows behind can be heard and I find it very irritating... If it was someone in my row, I would tell them to step outside and talk, but there are few who dont care and go on... 

Have you come across any other kind of folks? Do share...