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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Monday, October 13, 2008

Art of gifting!!!

"Oh, Thank you so much... What a thoughtful Gift"...  
[Thought running in mind: Oh,shucks, they have given me such a lovely gift, what do i give them in return? do i have anything or would cash do?]
Now is that right??? 
Last week.. not once,but twice i had a bit of argument with mom and others at home.. They consented that i had a valid point but couldnt do anything about it... Let me tell you what happened!
Incident 1 
Gramma [shall be known as G]: So, are you coming tomorrow?
Me; for?
G : You know, S has come of age, and B aunt has invited us all in the evening
Me: What? no way, am not coming.. poor kid
Mom[whose name starts with M, shall be M] enters.... :)
G to mom : M, what do you think is an ideal gift for S?
M: Ma, safe to give cash..
G: btw, how much did B give for A or P [ me or my sis]?
M: dont remember.. must have been around 250 i guess.  for A, nothing, cos we werent in chennai then..
G: Oh, ok.. so,250 is enuf? 
M: Ma, these days 250 is not done... you need to give 500 atleast..
G; A, get me an envelope, will give the cash, put it in please
Me: what is wrong with you people... why do you give gifts cash for this occasion? 
1st of all, it shouldnt be celebrated like some big dig... 
Stop humiliating kids... i mean, gone are the days when people announced to the world 
And why should you give gift... what did you do? S just got her menses....
G and M in unison : You wont understand...thats how it is.. we have to give something
Me: Tryin to see reason- why????? what was your role in this? or what is the money for? cant her parents provide for her??? dammit... am sure they can buy watever she needs and more...
This is when mom and gramma give up.. and nod their head knowing am right, but continue their discussion.. Moved on from gift to what saree to wear!! Mom said she had a similar chat with my sis about this concept.... celebrating and gift giving for this milestone!!! 
I only pity the kid.. S is only 10 yrs old~!! Sigh!!
Incident 2
 An aunt who is pregnant was celebrating the 8th month function.. Valakappu .. we were all thrilled... this uncle and aunt have been married over 10yrs and they love kids.. and we all love em to bits... so, all of us were extra happy for em!!! anyways , back to the point... we got invited for the Valakappu.. and again on the prev evening, gramma sat on the bed with mom opening the cupboard to pick out saree and started talking about what gift to give... Grrrr [ that was me...]:) here is what happened.... 

Me: G, why do you have to give gift for this? you anyways give something when baby is born... ippo ethukku[why now?
G: we need to... [end of statement...]
me: [ya, right, you thought i was gonna buy that...].. but why? what for?
G: thats how it is.. M, what did they give you when you were preg with P[my sis]?
M: dont remember.. think K maami gave a silver bowl or was it 100 [ 100 was a BIG amount back then]
G: ohh.. ok... i know for I[another aunt of mine], they gave saree.. So, what should we give? plus i think they are going to have seperate seemandam[ another ritual done at mil's place].. For that we need ot give something! 
Me: what?? not once, but you need to gift twice.... i give up!! Again, i ask.. what did you do? she got pregnant.. so, why should you give gift?
G and M giving me glares : just shut up and help us find blouse for this saree... 
M: ma, give 500 to S[the preggie aunt] and on seemandam, give 250 to P[uncle]
Me: trying to make some sense... wait a minute, you give gifts when they got married... you gift when they are pregnant and again when you go to see the baby?? whats wrong with you people??? 
M: are you coming tomorrow?
Me: [Oh,god.. do they even see logic here..] yes, i am...
M and G: good...!!! [they've gone back to looking for a saree, blouse or make some coffee]

I mean, i dont understand why we need to give gifts for occasions like this... i know i know.. we give cos we wanna.. but you compare what they gave.. whats appropriate... and all that!!! what a waste!!! and just doesnt make sense... sigh!!! is it just me???? :(


vishesh said...

ha the world :P

Rauf said...

That too the most educated, not the ignorant aaah ! i scream at these peepal.
Anyway i was in my 40's
oh no i will tell you when we meet.

i thought people just want to show off their wealth. but one of my neighbours borrowed money for his daughter's function.
stupid stupid thing.
'my daughter is ready for marriage thats what they mean'

this stupid girl was eating my brains till yesterday and why you made her wear the stupid saari ? whats wrong with you ? i get furious.

the girls don't know what is happening actually, this is my day, i get to wear good clothes, eat goodies.
My friend's daughter. mother a teacher. friend is high fundoos software job. Long degrees. And This stupid function last month. Even grand mother and grand mother are highly educated in the family and they allow such stupid tings.

goin gujrat and Rajasthan tomorrow Orteedee. be back after pipteen days
say hi to plaappy, big hug !

vimmuuu said...

Personally, I like giving and recieving gifts and I dont feel gifting on the second occasion mentioned in your post is wrong. Its done as a tradition to see the pregnant woman happy. But the mensus celebration is simply atrocious. How embarassed would the kid be since the whole world is now aware that she is matured!!!

Praddy said...

argh i hate this whole gifting process, i get so confused when i need to gift someone on a occasion:(

Anonymous said...

neither do I!

it is the same at our place!!! it is ood u r away from where chunk of yur relatives are...but when u go visiting... u r SUPPOSED to REMEMEBR and give is cool u jus giv 500rs for coming off age etc..
here we give GOLD! can u believe that?! **sigh**

i m not following such traditions :-/

Raaga said...

Was not aware that these traditions were still followed... the last time it happened in my family was some 60 years ago I think!

Lakshmi said...

Gifting is like almost a social commitment..I call it barter gift if you feel like..dont need an occasion to gift, but somewhere its like dos and donts in our society..I dont adhere to it at all

Curious said...

Ok this is what I know...

Traditionally, giving gifts in a tamil culture was always done as the usual 'Moi'(money/gold/property)... It's a way of community self supporting each other in helping out the family from any financial pressure that would arise out of the situation and to to encourage savings for the gals marriage/childbirth...

It's just that the idea has become so twisted these days and taken in a completely different context of social status and "how equal are we?" kinds...

And jus becuase gals come of age pretty quickly these days dosen't mean we have to give up our culture or traditions. Indian culture is all about celebrations. It could jus done very discreetly with the near and dears! :)

What say?

Curious said...

And coming of age function can be both to broadcast "I have a eligible daughter to wed" or celebrating goddess "Kanya Kumari"... :) Only the former is percepted these days...

Come on guys... dont shut away from our traditions and practices... Jus nudge people to do it in the right way!

Gargling Garbage said...

He he.. for the 1st part I was like.. OMG! Is this such a big deal? I didn't know that!!! Woohoo!!! Giffffts! :P

Lolz.. part 2... Maybe I'd react in the same way... But you know what... I just love receiving 'em... So as long as I am, me is happy... ;)

Indian Home Maker said...

Aarti giving gifts to celebrate and share joys and all is fine, the part I wonder about is when we wonder how much they gave and then literally "return" the amount when it is our turn. The purpose I guess must have been to make the receiver get a kitty of gifts & cash for the occasion (a new baby or marriage)- everybody chips in with something. A little like a baby-shower.
Cerebration of a girl coming of age would still be fine if she was not relegated to a corner room, away from religious function, regularly for 'those days'. Imp's Mom wrote a post on it called, 'Have a happy period'.

Keshi said...

I've never heard of giving a gift just cos someone got pregz? WTH is that? Rather give to a beggar who badly NEED something.


Nautankey said...

Oh this is my native[madurai] they put posters and announce about the girl coming of age..they have BIG time functions[more gala than the one which comes in kadhal movie] its like... yucks man.In olden times it was fine when people lived far off n communication channels were less ..ppl need to proclaim they had daughters of marriageable age..and yeah girls used to get matured late then...add to it marriages wud happen when girls were 16-17.

Just bcoz its our culture we cant carry on with outdated practices.. so how abt carrying on with sati n child marriage:). Got to change with time and dump the rigid traditions.

Iya said...

i like the idea of gifting and most of the time i give gifts without any reason..but i beleive in giving gifts if i feel so not because everyone else is giving...
the first occasion that u have mentioned is embarassing.. imagine what the poor kid will go through.. as far as for the second occasion is considered its more of a tradition to make the preg lady happy...again, if u dont feel like then no one should be able to force u to do so..

niceguy251 said...


Read last 2 posts now.

For Fresh Stock : This shows how alert they are for their sales. But it is true that he would not have bothered if you had taken stale bread. These days selling or marketing is really aggressive.

For this one : I agree some of our traditions do need update. It is difficult to change us oldies but when you come to age of M or G see that you do introduce rationale.

Take care

Manasa said...

The only time when you don't gift is during engagement.. Its a weird thing to gift again n again..

kanagu said...

Hi Aarthi,

Giving gifts is a good thing but we are in a tradition that we must give something to all the special occassions we are attending. The worst part of this is comparing what had given and gifting them according to it. So stupid, isn't it? Hope many things like this will cahnge in our generation.

Anonymous said...

Well,Ma'm you are not alone.Atleast I can say that...

Prasad said...

itz so freekin confusin all this gifts and all y wont jus a hey good on ya do!!!

Imp's Mom said...

Giving gifts is just a way to celebrate and share joy... and i wish it did not have to get down to maintaining the level of gifting...In my family, every gift received is accounted for, esp during functions, we have a separate book where it is written down for future ref to maintain the same standard!

To me that just takes away the joy of gifting making it forced. And this post on celebrating menses reminded me of a post I did long back

Sneha said...

he he.. i like the first incident. why would anyone want gift and congratulate a girl fo rgetting her period? its hardly an achievement from her end... !

khairy said...
شركة نقل اثاث بالطائف
نقل عفش بجدة
تنظيف خزانات بالمدينة المنورة