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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Long and short of it.....

Disclaimer - This is gonna be a long one!!! :)

Why is that the people are ever ready to give advice? esp when it is not their place to!!!

This post might sound familiar to many who are in their mid 20s and not yet married and for some who are on the other side of the fence as well!!!

Ever since my cousin got married in Nov, i've had people telling me " its about time i got married too".. am the eldest and still single... they give my mom and dad sympathetic looks and advice on what temple to go to, or what pariharam [ remedial measures] to undertake that might help speed up things...

About a week after the wedding and again recently, i recd an email from a relative, X [no his name doesnt start with X, its just an alphabet] saying ---
  • - i should not sport short hair style.. i should have long hair, plait it like a "Good girl"
  • - i should not go out with friends too much
  • - i should not go out in the evenings/ stay out late
  • - i MUST respect my parents and family members
  • - i should think about Family's happiness above all else....
  • [an advice given orally] i should wear outfits with longer sleeves [ not because i dont look good in short sleeves, but because long sleeves means covering up the tattoo i have on my left forearm]

X's words ---If i were to follow all this, i will GET MARRIED!! [ i kid u not....]

This mail angered me... One other thing that struck me was that would this person have sent the mail if i were married?
I dont understand who made these silly rules?
Who the F gave everyone around me the right to talk to me like i dont have a care in the world and am the most selfish of the lot?
I mean.. read thru the sentences mentioned above... am now gonna break em down and do a bit of venting out on each of them... bear with me plss!!!

Hairstyle -- 

Who said girls should have long hair only?
I had long hair, its only off late,the past 3-4 yurs that i've had short hair... and anyways, what difference does it make?
Do i become a different person cos i have shorter hair?
Does it mean am a rebel? [ i read somewhere on the net that girls with short hair are looked upon as rebels. is that true?]
What is wrong if i wanna do something to alter my appearance? do i need the permission of the entire goddamn society for that??? My body, my wish!! :)

2interesting articles i read on the net.... do read when you get time...


I realised awhile ago that my parents and others around me kept harping on "i dont understand why you are with these people so much"... they dont have friends.. or atleast dont have any with whom they've shared a special bond with...

For a lot of people in our prev generation, they had a large family, had zillion cousins to keep them company...
To me, friends mean the world.. yes, they are important.... and not because i dont care about my family!!!

I dont make friends easy,but when i do, i stick with them for life..
and i know, when am with them, i am safe, they will take care of me... some are even very protective of me!!

Another thing i realised was that my parents and close family dont ACTUALLY have a problem with friends, but its just the fear that someone somewhere might see their girl out and come complain or gossip about it..
Inspite of me telling them - dont care about others... they are so not able to come out of that Fortress built in their heads....

RESPECT my family --

What do i have to do? bow down and have my arms locked everytime i see them?
Call them neenga , vango , pongo [ tamil words denoting high level of respect, typically used in my homes with strangers or relatives who arent very close and people who are in high position, related to temples,etc...]
I dont get it... just because me and my sis are cool with our family members, and have a good relation, where no niceties are required to prove our respect, we are rude???
I can sit and have a conversation with my granpa across topics... Does that mean i am not giving him respect??
[one dialogue my grandparents also give is that - "when they were small, they would be scared to come talk to their uncles, aunts and grandparents".. what does it mean?where they scared or was that their way of showing respect back then?

Family's Happiness--

Right!!!! Put mine in the backburner where no one can see it, or even get a glimpse of it and put that of my family's in the fore front.... interesting isnt it!!!

Ever since i reached mid 20s, people around me started talking about marriage and one common statement they would make is -Its your happiness that matters!! but when i did reject guys[the 1 or 2 that i saw], they would turn around and oppose my decision.....!! Strange world we live in....!!!

Gosh, dint realise i've written so much...Blogsville sure must be wondering if i am losing it or lost it.. As for my friends and cousins... well, pardon me peepals!! :) .. ok, moving on................


i got my 1st tattoo last Sep, right after my birthday... Not because i wanted to prove anything, but only because i wanted one...
I got a butterfly, which to me signifies freedom, free spirit... I dint tell anyone at home about it cos i knew they would throw a fit and just wont understand [ i know, some of you might say - have you tried talking to them about it, bla bla... yes, been there, done it and i know what i am saying :)]... when i finally showed it to mom, she said -dint it hurt? and then- you should have gotten a smaller one, up above near the shoulder and an aunt said - you should have gotten a bigger one, or futher down on your arm[ your cousin ABC has a big one... ]

Its only now they have gotten used to it or have decided not to say anything, cos i cant make it go away [ not that i want to]... but they keep asking me every now and then - what if you dont want it one day? ..[ i know that day wont ever come... i am confident of that!!! ]

Again are tattoos symbol or rebellious nature??? Not for me.. its an expression  of something i beleive it!!
Are people the way they are 
Cos am single?
or are they always like this, but have just found an easy target in me???
Cos am single?

Let me tell all that am happy being Single!!!! :)
Am not against marriage, but am in no hurry... so peepal, stop playing nosey parker..... and get a life and learn to appreciate what i do, or if you cant, then Zip it!!!

What does it mean? My life is worthless cos am single?Na, i dont care about others., i love life and am living it up!!! :)

This month, i had decided not to work cos i really did need a break after the 6mth wacko project i was on... and so i had a bit of time to introspect and observe all around me!!! :)

 Phew.... been meaning to write this post for a while, but i guess it was meant to happen today!!
{ for some strange reason, the time on the post says 10:30AM.. when infact the time is 00:01Am 5th Feb}


vimmuuu said...

Clap ! Clap ! Clap ! very well written.

and whoever wrote that mail, crap ! crap ! crap !

I guess only the old ones in the family are worried about short hair. i wouldnt mind getting married to a person with short hair. For me, again, friends are life, thats becuz only they have been with throughout. Girls sporting tattoo - I consider it sexy :D

Vrij said...

I guess we should take it all wid a pinch of salt. U shud frame the mail and put it up on the walls! It shud become a humour piece for visitors..

Vrij said...

Reg the time.. why dont u chk the time zone settings in ur dashboard? Maybe it says u r living in the middle east or something?

Raaga said...

:-) believe me, the cycle never ends. Don't let anyone kid you into believing that the questions will stop when you do get married.

Indian Home Maker said...

Oh Yes such stuff is told to girls all the time!

I loved this post. We must talk about the hypocrisy of such talk, and let me tell you Aaarti, none of these things really make any difference. I have seen women with short hair, and lots of friends and tattoos and sleeveless tops etc and .., they are all happily married. Marriage should be allowed to become an imprisonment, and what kind of life would it be if you could do nothing you liked?

Indian Home Maker said...

Take a look at this brilliant post by Roop. You will love it.

vishesh said...

well people are mad..I don't listen to them...I have brains i try to use them...if i ask for advice also it is left to me to take it or leave it...forget them :P

Lakshmi said...

lol...sorry, didnt mean to laugh at it...we will have a chat on this and I tell u how I handled this

rauf said...

i have been through this ORTEE, i mean get married stuff, not long hair. long sleeves and all. Stupid Talibaans are everywhere.
Recently in Kerala, police accused the ladies for inviting eve teasing by wearing jeans, so complaints from jean clad girls were not registered.

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

i am speechless aarti...
simply awesome....
keep goin..
i had a glance at ur post..found it very interesting..
u shud be in my bloglist..

Dusty Fog said...

we have spoken about this. And you know what goes on with me at i guess...the next time we do the....what was it now..that potent stuff during happy hours da...Long island?!!!.....: )
Next time we do that we know what we are NOT going to be discussing...illiyah....: )

It's tough I know.But you sure are tougher...: )

Anonymous said...


Susan Deborah said...

Ah, tell me about it. And you thought it's done after you get married? A big NO. After marriage, they start pestering, "No good news?" "When will you give us some good news?" "We want to see junior Susan."

The best way is to grin and bear it and do whatever we want. My strategy.

Loved your tattoos and love the Chinese one as well.

Joy always,

P. S. Wanting to get a butterfly for a long time. No courage :(

Sanjeeta kk said...

No one ever finds life worth living - one has to make it worth living.. Hardly matters if they stand this side of the fence or the other.
Live life at your terms and enjoy every moment of it..and keep counting good friends! Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Simply loved it.. But don't think this ends after marriage.. After marriage, yen pottu illa, thali illa, tie your hair, wear saree while going to temple, still planning (after the first month of marriage), wear bangles, you talk to boys still remember you are married (you simply have no rights to have a life of your own)... blah blah blah... so much and so more. How does me not doing something, hurt them? This would never end. You call it akkarai (concern)?? I call it naansense.
Just live life in your terms :)That is what makes life worth living.

Loved your tattoo. I am gonna get one soon.

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