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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Adieu to 2014 and Hola to 2015

I love Dec 31st, the New Year's Eve.....Here are my 8 reasons why [buhahaha why should it always be 5 or 10 or 15...]

1. The entire world makes a big deal of this day, and you sit wondering "I don't have any plans, and then comes a call from a friend inviting you to a party and the day looks kickass and you go about flaunting your plans to all"
2.Instead of being Thankful for all that happened in 2014, it would be a good time to show the finger to all the rotten things/moments you went through and do a boooyah for the 2015 
3. Not to forget, you did have some awesome things happen in 2014.. so be grateful for all that!!
4.  Remember to set aside time to travel [more places to explore and discover yourself some more].. Oh and you could meet some cute guys/girls [ err whatever your preference is] ;o)  and if you are not intro travelling but feeling generous, I am always ready and willing to do it for you.. just drop me a line and let me know, will share my bank account details ;)
5.  Dream big, take risks, it is just not worth being cooped up in your comfort zone all the time. It is the only way to live life!
6. If tonight you got no plans, you sit at home, watch TV, surf channels, stare at your phone and just have a quiet moment welcoming the new year in...
7. Ya ya the phone used to ring off the hook, but now all you get are whatsapp messages [ a few special ones have you smiling , making you realise how awesome your friends are]
8. Above all, remember that here comes a new year, a whole set of 365 days for you to learn, grow, mature, make mistakes, fall flat, embarrass yourself and just move ahead in life... go for it, reach for the stars, rather go beyond and have a fabulous year ahead!!

Here's to a super duper new year ahead....

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Quick wrap up!

Dear Diary,

How have you been? I know I haven't written in you in a while.. As I say silence means good news! So things have been going good, have been busy with work/projects and also managed to do not one but three trips to Bangalore [ albeit short ones] over the past 2 months. 

Looks like my "no bangalore" streak has been broken. I might be one more trip there, if only to spend more time with the cute little bundle there... He has the cutest smile and laugh that bursts into air overtime you sing a nursery rhyme, esp Pat-a-cake baker man... :-)

Apart from this, friends are always around, which makes it all worth while... But then off late I do notice there are a few changes in their behaviour... One odd has started pulling away, I am perfectly fine with that, just hope they aint going down the wrong path [ if my intuitions have taught me anything, it is that they are always right, which is what worries me] but then I do know that I cannot control or be there to guide people, they will figure life out..

Also realised I don't need some people in my life.. Makes me sad to cut them off but I am doing it for my own good.. Negativity around does sneak into your life and pulls you down... And these are people who I have come to realise just don't change, even though they talk about changing.. If i were to tell them this, their response would be "you have no idea how horrible my life is, I just can't do what you have done.. la la.." well, all I can say is "If you want to change, you need to find a way to change, else stop cribbing and deal with it"... 

Being in touch with people is good, but off late the sense of constantly in touch is getting to me.. I am the kind who likes space and so I consciously switch off.. And then there are those who you think care, who turn out to be just the opposite.. hard to digest but needs to be accepted ~!! Expecting them to do anything else is like expecting Floppy to talk, well he does by barking but imaging if he started talking like em dogs in Dr Dolittle.. :D 

Well, the past few days have been trying- in terms of health, life and work.. but things will settle down and I shall bounce back to my usual self.. Until then, time to just let go and live it up!! 

See you later... 

Yours truly

Friday, September 26, 2014 pick your college with ease

You are in the 12th standard and there is talk about which college to apply to, where to go, what course to do but you are lost and confused. There are a 101 websites and brochures available but none of them give you clarity nor do they help you decide. This is also the stage when most parents enter the panic mode and start fretting over their child's future. They want their son/daughter to get into the best college, one that is reputed and ranked among the top to excel in their life. 

Which is where  comes in. The website is a one stop shop for all those seeking guidance in college applications.  Founded by Sahil Chalana, Collegedunia is all about collating available data, putting in various parameters and enabling students and parents make wise informed decisions.  They have information related to nearly 15000 colleges and universities across the country and are looking at ramping up to 30000 by the end of 2014. 

Be it Science, Commerce, Medicine, Management or Engineering, there are colleges listed on this site with information on how much the fee is, whether there is hostel facility or not, what kind of courses they offer, whether it is full time or part time and much more, including information  about student clubs. Infact, everything from IIT to other colleges are listed here, which gives the visitor a 360 view of what their options are. Back when I was getting into college, it was all about talking to friends and cousins who had completed their graduation, asking for their inputs and then picking out the one that fitted my preferences. How I wish had existed back then, would have been so much easier and I would have gone beyond my realms. 

What is more, I discovered this site even offers insight into the entrance exams across categories as well.  Visitors can also ask questions to counsellors through the site, add colleges to their shortlist cache and do all the research they need to before taking a decision.

But then I guess it is a boon for kids who are entering College phase now or in the future!!No more panicking and running around! If you’d like to know more, visit or alternatively you can mail them at

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Lessons learned from Living alone..

I went from living with my parents, gramma and great grandma to living with my grandparents and now I live on my own.. Alone! 

Here are a few little lessons I have learnt over the past year since I moved out,

1. When the bills come, you don’t get to put them away and forget about them-  When you are living at home with family, you don't ever worry about bills, especially the EB, Water and land line bills. The only ones I ever paid were my own expenses, internet dongle and mobile bill. But now all the bills that land in my mailbox are meant for me and I need to pay them. Nobody cares if you are strapped for funds or why you have spent as much as you have.  

2. The food you buy is all yours, or not.. -- If I have forgotten to buy groceries, then I have no food [ unless I decide to splurge and order in]. I buy bread or Dosa maavu, rava or semiya I can get by, else am left wondering what am gonna eat. And the best part is, I don't have to worry about what I eat and when. If I choose to eat a salad for dinner, then that is all I will munch on, or I might go all out and make pongal -sambar for dinner. I have also started carrying over food [ when there is too much, and it is good food and cannot be wasted]. It is ok, I don't mind!! I have had crackers and a glass of milk for dinner  

3. Oh, no, there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink... Umm, it is all mine. I have learnt there is no magical maid who is going to walk in and clean them up. I cook, I clean! So, I tend to reuse vessels a lot more and wash up right after a meal/drink instead of leaving it sitting.  

4. My OCDs are mine- I have certain OCDs- I cannot leave a pen lying around, I cant have my slippers in messed up order, I pick a book from the shelf, I have to put it back before I hit the bed. I have a few other little quirks and I am free to do what I feel like when am home!! It is perfectly fine and nobody can comment/smirk at...

5. Living alone is not lonely or scary- Don't know why most people assume living alone is scary or lonely. I disagree. I go to bed and sleep like a baby and perfectly happy being home alone. And the biggest quip of them all is there is a big big difference between being alone and being lonely. I have never been lonely. Even when i have no plans and am home, I have the TV on and watching a movie/show or the music is out aloud and am generally dancing.. There have been days when there was no power through the night and then other times when it was pouring like crazy with thunder just non stop. I plugged in my iPod and was  enjoying the rains from the balcony.. :) I haven't heard any sounds or weird noises and am not the kind to get jumpy or freaked out. :)  

6. Wear what you wanna or not... ;o) -- That is the biggest fun part about living on your own. You dont have to worry about being dressed up all the time. You can wear what you want, or not [ don't get ideas..].. You can wander about in a T-shirt and shorts or just a long T-shirt, or nothing at all ...  But remember, if living alone and have houses around, better invest in curtains, wouldn't want to give free shows to the world, right?   

7.It is incredibly liberating-  The first day I slept alone in my apartment and woke up to nothing but silence, it was sheer peace. I have friends who come over whenever they are in the area and then there have been times when I have hosted dinners/parties at home. I also love coming back home knowing nobody has meddled with my stuff or touched my things [ dint I mention with you I had a bunch of OCDs] . You can invite people home without thinking too much, you can decide to get off on a trip, you can bring home a stray pup and take care of it for a few days, stay over at a friend's house cos it got late after the movie or she was scared to be alone...  The joy of not having to check with others, work around their schedules is just amazing!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014


All those who know me, know that I love observing and watching people around me. It does not have to be people I know, it can be just about anybody.. 

Be it in a hotel or a railway station, or a bus stop or the shopping mall, I never go bored. For ex, there have been so many instances when I accompany friends who want to shop. While they are trying out outfits or poring over the racks, I will happily walk around observing people. No, it does not mean am busy staring at them, but it only means I observe their mannerisms and little quirks.

I watch the way they walk, the way their expressions change as they move over the collections, I sometimes even observe the way they make signs with each other [ silent communication]. And again, when in the station, people are sometimes standing with their bags, other times sitting on top of the suitcases. And then there are some who shift between legs waiting impatiently for the train. And then there are those who do nothing but talk on the phone or glare at others to a point to making them uncomfortable.

Recently, during a brunch at a high end restaurant with friends, there was a group of foreigners in the table next to ours. They all spoke English, but during the course of the meal, I figured they are not native English speakers. Few spoke in French, while one also said something in German and then there was another who spoke in a language I couldn't decipher. Again, within an hour of us being there, the decibels from that table went up and notch, rising every few minutes. Thought to myself " with every drink, their voice goes up a level". It is almost like they lose inhibitions and start speaking with no care in the world.  Off late have also been spotting quite a few people who come out to dine busy on their phones, barely exchanging a word with each other.. I remember the time when I noticed a couple, sitting facing each other and both lost in their phones.. 

Similarly, when in a movie theater,there are people who sit and watch a movie like their life depends on it, while there are others who are constantly chirping with each other, and then the lot who are there just to piss off others by speaking aloud on their phones about the world and sundry. Oh how can I not mention the love birds[ nauseating] who come plonk in their seats, put their hands over each other's shoulders or are constantly touching each other. How do I know all this? well, there are times when am at a movie hall early and do nothing but watch others.... 

Oh and the one other place where you find a lot of people is the Hospital. There are people waiting, staring into space, some just standing around waiting for some update, and then others who walk up and down anxiously. I wonder what is going on through their minds- what news are they waiting for.. and say a silent prayer that things are alright..  

Dedicated to all the girls out there...

A forward I received, worthy of sharing...

1. Not every girl wants to get married by 23. So before you ASSUME she's of marriageable age, ask her what her views on marriage are. One hint, might save you the drama- just because she does not want to get married now does not mean she never will. She has other plans for herself right now, let her live a little. 

2. Just because a girl wishes to do her PhD after Masters does not mean she doesn't want to settle down in life. Give her a break, and respect the fact that she has the confidence to take that up, cos yeah, PhD is no joke. There will come a point when she would happily devote herself to her family, and balance it out with her work life. Her degrees, or lack of them, won't make any difference. Let her study while she wants to, okay? 

3. Just because she is 27 and unmarried does not mean she's been rejected by many men. Maybe, being single is a choice she has made. 

4. Having a boyfriend does not make her characterless.

 5. Just because she has recently gone through a break up doesn't mean she is vulnerable and available. 

6. Just because most of her friends are boys, does not mean she is "having a good time" with all of them. 

7. Just because she has a drink in her hand does not mean she is an alcoholic. 

8. Just because she wore a short skirt to one party does not mean she dresses up that way every day. 

9. Just because she is ambitious doesn't mean she isn't a family person. 

10. Just because she doesn't discuss her plans doesn't mean she's clueless about life. Give her a chance, alright? 

11. Just because she is outspoken doesn't mean she is a rebel. 

12. Just because she comes home late from work does not mean she is sleeping around with her colleagues.

 13. After a hectic week, give her some time to relax over the weekend. Don't make that one weekend party make her look like a she's a frivolous party-girl without a job. 

14. Just because she is out shopping alone does not mean she is depressed or lonely. It's how she relaxes, respect that. 

15. Just because she is on a holiday alone does not mean she doesn't have company. Maybe it's a break to get back her lost confidence, or maybe that's how she is. Admire her spirit instead of giving her advice, okay? 

16. Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she can't kick ass in military school. 

17. Just because she has a tattoo doesn't mean she is attention seeking. Maybe that's her way of expression. 

18. Just because she doesn't know how to cook doesn't mean she won't make a good wife. Remember when you were just married and cooked chicken curry which was um, a disaster? 

19. Just because she likes everything pink and shiny and fluffy doesn't mean she lives in her own world. She can handle some situations much better than her male counterparts. 

20. Just because she is pretty does not mean she is a whore. And just because she is friendly does not mean she is flirting with you. 

Yes, we cry, we are emotional; we take things personally, and sometimes over-react to situations. But this does not give any one the right to judge us in the wrong way. Times are changing; don't confine her within those boundaries, no matter how orthodox you are. There are some who might be fighting this losing battle, yet compromising on their decisions and plans, just to please society. Respect n do share... :))

Monday, July 28, 2014

To Judge or not be judged...

I don't get it!!!
I turn left, I turn right, I am constantly being stared at.. Why?
I say something, I do something, I am being judged.. Why?

When walking on the road, I notice people stop, stare and then pass on some shushed comments as they walk along.. Well, I wouldn't be bothered but there is a lot of pointing while they comment and that irks me to no end..

Infact, there have been many instances when I just flip a finger and walk away, but then I wonder "do they understand the meaning of the finger?"

Few days ago when travelling by auto on the Kotturpuram bridge, there was a guy on a motorcycle right next to the auto.. He actually turned, looked at me, spotted the tattoo on my left forearm. Auto went ahead, but then a second later I noticed him pulling up besides the auto again to slow down and stare some more.. He noticed my stare and pulled away. I smiled and knew he would quietly swerve to the other side and appear there a minute later, which is exactly what he did.. He infact came to the right side, turned left and once again on seeing me spot him turned and sped away...

Seriously? What gives people the right to do these kind of things? Don't they have any brains or don't they care?

Not just this, I have had people stop stare, comment and then walk away slowly, continuing to stare... Is it cos am big? Is it cos am tall? Wtf.. Would they be ok if I was to stop and stare at them and pass comments? [Not that I would]...

Last weekend, we were at a mall waiting for friends.. While we waited, I was generally looking around to see if there were any familiar faces when I noticed a woman [ she was not a girl, must have been in her 30s and since she dint behave like a lady, I call her "woman"] staring at me, looking me up & down [ not in a nice way, but in a derogatory manner.. How do i know? cos she had that look on her face...].. I stared at her for a good 2 mins before she took her eyes away... Gosh! what on earth is wrong with people?

I don't care what others think
I don't give a damn about their sneers/comments/snide remarks
But don't they have anything better to do? 

I wanna scream

This Monday.. believe in yourself

Thursday, July 24, 2014 online shopping was never this fun!!

Gone are the days when people spent hours in stores, going through rows and rows of products before making a purchase. Heck, I can’t remember the last time I did something like this. It is so much easier to just go online and surf through the deals and options available before picking out the one that catches my eye. Not only does it help me save time, but it is so much easier and convenient. There are times when am strapped for time and order a gift online and voila, it arrives at my doorstep and I don’t have to worry about not having time to shop or missing out on cool deals. J Phew, life sure has become so much better these days…

One such site I stumbled upon recently that has changed the way I shop is There are days when all I do spend a good amount of time window shopping, but then there are moments when I hop on to the site, click on the product I want and am done with my purchase in a few minutes. What is cool about this site is that it offers discounts and deals on products purchased from various other online ecommerce websites like Flipkart, Amazon, Snapdeal, Jabong, Myntra, Homeshop18, printvenue, Cleartrip and so much more.  

The highlight of is that it offers deals across product categories, so I can choose from clothes, gadgets, appliances, beverages, baby products, car accessories and a whole host of other verticals as well.

Last week when I wanted to buy a book for a friend, all I had to do was visit the site, click on Amazon link and in a matter of minutes, I was done selecting the books and completing the transaction. They sent an email confirmation and within the specified deadline, the product had arrived at my friend’s address…

So, next time you are looking to indulge in some retail therapy online, all you need to do is login to and you will left smiling, no grinning away!!  Alright, time to go now. Time to get dressed and show off that new outfit I picked up … 

Friday, July 4, 2014

A milestone...

It is July 2014 and that means it has been a year since I moved out. Wow, I never thought this far when I took the decision to move to a place of my own. It was the 1st of many steps I knew, but such an accomplishment, a sense of pride.. One year on my own- Yayy to Me!! 

What has changed over the year?
Nothing much, and yet a lot!! What do I mean? I can sense a change in me, me as a person, me as an individual, me as a woman, me as a friend. I am much more at peace and am happy. There are people who ask me why am smiling, and I realise it is for no real reason, am just happy. 

What has life been like since moving out? 
It has actually been good. It is a fresh start, one that I had only dreamt off. It gives me hope that I can do anything I set my mind to and I should dream big and high.. 

Have I been able to manage/cope?
Oh yes, I say that without batting an eyelid. How? Well, I have had the good fortune of being busy, working on new challenging projects and ofcourse the endless/wonderful support of my friends. It has helped me sail through each and every day without a worry or fear. 

There are days when I wish there was a meal waiting for me as I enter home or someone would do the laundry, but heck, these are small things that I tide over within minutes and they are forgotten!! :-)) 

Any fears? Any Worries?
Nope, none at all. And no, am not being cocky when I say that! I do miss my family and Floppy[well, to be honest I miss Floppy more than anyone/anything else], but it is a choice I have made. I do spend a few hours with him every week and even though it is not enough, it is a pact made with myself... 

Little Lessons:
  • I learnt that if I leave my clothes to soak in the morning, they wont automatically rinse and go hang in the clothesline.. I gotta do it, and if I delay, they start to smell and I end up having to wash them all over again.
  • I need to put away grocery, atleast the ones that need to be stored in the fridge else they rot and die.. milk, veggies, dosa batter... 
  • The house needs to be cleaned and mopped atleast twice a week, else there is dust peeping out of the corner grinning at me with that evil smirk. 
  • There are neighbours who are noisy and then there are others who think the world is their playground and wreck havoc through the day and night- noise and mess [ my balcony is a mess courtesy the guys living upstairs who are doing some construction work nonstop] 
  • I end up telling the courier guys to drop off my parcel with the security guys since am not home through the day [most of the time]...and this is the only kind of post I receive, rest of them are all meant for some random tom dick or lalalalalarrry... 
  • I have learnt to plan my money better, come month beginning and the bills start pouring in one by one, heartlessly...
  • The lightbulb near the main door went out.. Well, D'oh none but I gotta buy a new one and replace it.. ;o)
  • Trash wont take itself out, you need to dump it in the bins downstairs... 

What next?
Well, I do have some thoughts floating around in my head, a few little teasers, let's see what happens in the days to come!!

To all those who are contemplating living on your own, I strongly recommend it.. It gives you the space, the ability to do what you desire and above all, the chance to spend time with yourself... And like I tell those who ask me "Why are you living alone inspite of having family in the same town?-- It is my life and I choose to live it the way I want to..."

Friday, June 13, 2014

The other gender

I still remember the very 1st time I saw someone from the 3rd gender.. it was in the local train in Mumbai, they were a group of 4 and the train was not too crowded. They started walking around, chanting in hindi about how they bless us and we need to give them money. I wasnt very familiar and I guess that is where the fear stemmed from. I hesitantly pulled out a Rs10 from my wallet upon seeing the lady across from me do the same and handed it over to one of them in the group. 

A few days later, while in a cab at a traffic junction, one of them put his/her hand through the window and demanded I give them money... I parted with a Rs50 since I dint have any other lower change. The taxi driver mumbled about how they do no work, but make easy money like this. 

And then, cut to Chennai, I was getting out of a client's office walking down the road [ around 3pm] near Valluvar Kottam when 2 of them sitting on the side walk stood up and came over appealing for some money. I commented that I was just coming out of a class and dint have any money on me. They said, no worries, give whatever you have... And then asked me about what I was doing and if I was from Chennai or elsewhere.. We actually had a 2 min convo, I parted with Rs50 and carried on... 

I ignored them, rather did not bother too much. But over the past few years, have noticed the numbers increasing and they have begun harrasing people for money. A friend of mine [who is into events] was getting back home late one evening when a group of transgenders literally surrounded her car and wouldnt let go till she parted with all the money in her wallet, nearly Rs2500.. Another friend was getting back to her car after some shopping at pazhamudir in Anna nagar was halted, and let to proceed after they took Rs1000 from her wallet.. She called me and was in shock about what had just happened. 

And these are not the only incidents.. These men/women have begun to physically abuse people, they start lifting up their clothes, showing off their body, talking about needing money for a sex change operation or start feeling up their victims!! I know they are also human beings, but such acts make us wish they would go away.. or be given a separate area where they can work and get on with their lives.. 

Last year, when I moved to T-Nagar I was in for a surprise. Giri Road was filled with hookers and transvestites who dress up and block a section of the road from 8pm onwards... You will see them emerge out of the darkness once a bike or car pulls into the street. Infact, one evening while walking back home I chit chatted with one of them. It was a guy, who worked in a call center and who dressed up in fine saree and make up with hairdo every night and took on a few customers. He made anywhere between 10-20k and most of his clients were men he said!! Woah.................... 

Within a few weeks, I noticed the road had cleared up and they had all gone missing. Well, wishful thinking- they cropped up soon after near my home.. Both on the same side as my apartment and across the road as well.  The roads are well lit but the stretch between my apartment and Residency hotel, it is fairly dark and hidden away under the flyover. 

Anyways, about a week ago, I was out with friends and we were heading to Residency for dinner when suddenly I spotted not one or two but nearly 10 of them literally blocking the road and stopping the cars passing by. Told my friend to take the flyover and we did a small roundabout to get back to Residency. Friend insisted on dropping me back home after dinner. 

Last night, again I walk home from Residency and one of them walks up to me, full shaking her hips and boobs asking for money.. Luckily I had nothing in my hands and managed to escape... 

Again, I do know they are human beings, but why do they accost? Who gave them the right to harass people and loot money? Why cant companies/coffee shops/restaurants start hiring them, giving them training and helping them earn steady incomes? The one thing I did love is the Seatbelt crew and the video they came up with encouraging people to wear seat belts... 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

This Monday.... Move along

What is the difference..

The mother: This is my oldest daughter.. you must have met my 2nd one

 Stranger: Yes. So, what does this one do?

The mother: She works out of the house. 

Stranger: Oh… *walks away after throwing a “avlo thaana” kinda glance*

The mother: That is so and so, I have met her before at the temple and again at that one’s wedding. 

The girl: okay. *grits teeth and prays she can control herself till they get back to the hotel*

Few hours pass by.. They are finally back in the hotel, and out of the saree and all the finery. 

The girl: Sits on the cot, flipping channels aimlessly while the mind is racing and she is seething within. The 
only thing in her mind “How do i broach the topic and get it out of my system”

The mother: We shall have to head out again at 5, so be ready in time, don’t delay. Wear that saree, do you have bangles, bla bla bla…. 

The girl: Ma, why did you say what you did to that aunty?

The mother: huh, what are you talking about?

The girl: You know, that aunty who came and spoke to you while we were waiting in queue… I do not just work from home you know. I run a business..

The mother: Same thing no * walks away to the loo* 

The girl: *sits seething and upset wondering if the mother will ever understand what she does, why she does and acknowledge all that she has accomplished. 

*Mother comes out of the loo*

The girl: tell people I run a small business on my own please. 

The mother: seri seri… ithukku than unnai velaikku poga sonnein.. [This is why I told you to go work somewhere”!] *plops on the bed and proceeds to zzzz* 

The girl : :'_( :'-( *it has been 7yrs and still the parents don’t seem to get it, acknowledge or accept…*
*gets off the bed and goes for a walk to fight off anger/tears* … 

Thursday, May 1, 2014

The Fire

"I smell something weird" I announced. I know it, it smelt like wire burning.

The others stared at me like I had lost my mind.

"Nope, we don't smell anything unusual, you are hallucinating, just chill"

I persisted. "I do smell something weird, it is coming from the AC duct behind my cubicle.."I said as I began walking towards the room with the power units. 

The admin in charge who heard me chant went ahead and instantly came out with a scared look and hands covering her ears shouting "Fire" "Fire".. The CEO came out of her cabin and so did the others, piling around near the power room. 

I and few others went over to the elevator and brought in the Fire extinguisher and one of the guys instantly switched off the main power and put out the fire. 

AC was off, the power was off and people were standing around in groups wondering what was up, why the fire had happened and what to do next.. 

The office boy called the Electrician who came in a few minutes and began working on fixing the wires. For nearly 2 hours we were without power and finally things were back to normal.. 

Every time a person walked into the office they were told this story...And for those who were off, it was narrated when they landed back at work. 

The most hilarious was the admin girl running around screaming "Fire" "Fire" with her ears shut...  

Friday, April 4, 2014

[sharing] How to Stop Overthinking Everything: 9 Simple Habits

I came across this piece on and thought it deserved to be shared!! These are very points that I keep telling people around me to help them tide over things that bog them down!! Read on to know what am referring to,
What is holding people back from the life that they truly want to live?
I’d say that one very common and destructive thing is that they think too much.
They overthink every little problem until it becomes bigger and scarier and it actually is. Overthink positive things until they don’t look so positive anymore.
Or overanalyze and deconstruct things and so the happiness that comes from just enjoying something in the moment disappears.131119_overthinkb2
Now, thinking things through can be a great thing of course. But being an overthinker can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.
I know. I used to overthink things a lot and it held me back in ways that weren’t fun at all.
But in the past 8 years or so I have learned how to make this issue so small that it very rarely pops up anymore. And if it does then I know what to do then to overcome it.
In this article I would like to share 9 habits that have helped me in a big, big way to become a simpler and smarter thinker and to live a happier and less fearful life.
1. Put things into a wider perspective.
It is very easy to fall into the trap of overthinking minor things in life.
So when you are thinking and thinking about something ask yourself:
Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?
I have found that widening the perspective by using this simple question can snap me quickly out of overthinking and help me to let that situation go and focus my time and energy on something that actually does matter to me.
2. Set short time-limits for decisions.
If you do not have a time-limit for when you must make a decision and take action then you can just keep turning your thoughts around and around and view them from all angles in your mind for a very long time.
So learn to become better at making decisions and to spring into action by setting deadlines in your daily life. No matter if it is a small or bigger decision.
Here’s what have worked for me.
  • For small decisions like if should go and do the dishes, respond to an email or work out I usually give myself 30 seconds or less to make a decision.
  • For somewhat larger decisions that would have taken me days or weeks to think through in the past I use a deadline for 30 minutes or for the end of the workday.
3. Become a person of action.
When you know how to get started with taking action consistently each day then you’ll procrastinate less by overthinking.
Setting deadlines is one thing that have helped me to become much more of person of action.
Taking small steps forward and only focusing on getting one small step done at a time is another habit that have worked really well.
It works so well because you do not feel overwhelmed and so you do not want flee into procrastination. And even though you may be afraid, taking just a step is such a small thing that you do not get paralyzed in fear.
4. Realize that you cannot control everything.
Trying to think things through 50 times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so you do not risk making a mistake, fail or looking like a fool.
But those things are a part of living a life where you truly stretch your comfort zone. Everyone who you may admire and have lived a life that inspires you has failed. They have made mistakes.
But in most cases they have also seen these things as valuable feedback to learn from. Those things that may look negative have taught them a lot and have been invaluable to help them to grow.
So stop trying to control everything. Trying to do so simply doesn’t work because no one can see all possible scenarios in advance.
This is of course easier said than done. So do it in small steps if you like.
5. Say stop in situation where you know you cannot think straight.
Sometimes when I am hungry or when I am lying in bed and are about to go to sleep negative thoughts start buzzing around in my mind.
In the past they could do quite a bit of damage. Nowadays I have become good at catching them quickly and to say to myself:
No, no, we are not going to think about this now.
I know that when I am hungry or sleepy then my mind sometimes tend to be vulnerable to not thinking clearly and to negativity.
So I follow up my “no, no…” phrase and I say to myself that I will think this situation or issue through when I know that my mind will work much better.
For example, after I have eaten something or in the morning after I have gotten my hours of sleep.
It took a bit of practice to get this to work but I have gotten pretty good at postponing thinking in this way. And I know from experience that when I revisit a situation with some level-headed thinking then in 80% of the cases the issue is very small to nonexistent.
And if there is a real issue then my mind is prepared to deal with it in much better and more constructive way.
6. Do not get lost in vague fears.
Another trap that I have fallen into many times that have spurred on overthinking is that I have gotten lost in vague fears about a situation in my life. And so my mind running wild has created disaster scenarios about what could happen if I do something.
So I have learned to ask myself: honestly, what is the worst that could happen?
And when I have figured out what the worst that could happen actually is then I can also spend a little time to think about what I can do if that often pretty unlikely thing happens.
I have found that the worst that could realistically happen is usually something that is not as scary as what my mind running wild with vague fear could produce.
Finding clarity in this way usually only takes a few minutes of time and bit of energy and it can save you a lot of time and suffering.
7. Work out.
This might sound a bit odd.
But in my experience working out – especially with lifting weights – can help me to let go of inner tensions and worries.
It most often makes me feel more decisive and when I was more of an overthinker then it was often my go-to method of changing the headspace I was in to a more constructive one.
8. Spend more of your time in the present moment.
By being in the present moment in your everyday life rather than in the past or a possible future in your mind you can replace more and more of the time you usually spend on overthinking things with just being here right now instead.
Three ways that I often use to reconnect with the present moment are:
  • Slow down. Slow down how you do whatever you are doing right now. Move slower, talk slower or ride your bicycle more slowly for example. By doing so you become more aware of how you use your body and what is happening all around you right now.
  • Tell yourself: Now I am… I often tell myself this: Now I am X. And X could be brushing my teeth. Taking a walk in the woods. Or doing the dishes. This simple reminder helps my mind to stop wandering and brings my focus back to what is happening in this moment.
  • Disrupt and reconnect. If you feel you are getting lost in overthinking then disrupt that thought by – in your mind – shouting this to yourself : STOP! Then reconnect with the present moment by taking just 1-2 minutes to focus fully on what is going on around you. Take it all in with all your senses. Feel it, hear it, smell it, see it and sense it on your skin.
9. Spend more of your time with people who do not overthink things.
Your social environment plays a big part. And not just the people and groups close to you in real life. But also what you read, listen to and watch. The blogs, books, forums, movies, podcasts and music in your life.
So think about if there are any sources in your life – close by or further away – that encourages and tends create more overthinking in your mind. And think about what people or sources that has the opposite effect on you.
Find ways to spend more of your time and attention with the people and sources that have a positive effect on your thinking and less on the influences that tends to strengthen your overthinking habit.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Sacrifice or Compromise!!

A friend recently remarried.... after being single independent woman for nearly 20years! She found this man, a decade older than her, and I dont know if it was instant love or they just grew to like each other over a period of time, but things moved fast and he asked her to marry him. All these years, all she yearned for was someone to give her the status of "wife" and take care of her treat her like a Queen.  Give her a secure life, money, protection, and a home!!  She found all this in him and decided to accept his proposal. I was over the moon, happy for her! I have seen her struggle everyday with uncertainties. She is a strong woman, but has her weaknesses, and always felt there was something amiss.. Her 1st marriage did not last too long, and she has gone through quite a bit of difficulty in life. 

Ok, without digressing further, let me come back to the post. I am writing this following a conversation I had with her few days ago. After a quick round up of what is happening, she spoke of how things were now. This man she has married dotes on her, but has laid down a few rules and norms that he expects her to follow. Infact these were discussed before and I wondered, even asked her about it. She had been keen on starting a business and was nearly there, but then this Man takes her into his hold and tells her she will not do any business, but be there to take care of him, and maybe if she is bored she could start coming to his office [ he runs a business, taken over from his father].. She was told to shut down her business, bank account and close all loops when she moved in with him. 

I know how much effort she has put into this and was quite surprised when she said she was shutting it all down and going to forget about it.  I was honestly shocked and stumped!! How far is a person willing to go for love?! And if this was right?! I expressed my concern and asked if she would be ok living like this, under his shadow, and she instantly replied "yes, he is giving me so much, I can give up these small things"

Makes me wonder- is this a compromise or a sacrifice? This business was her dream, and I know how much sweat & effort has gone into getting the foundation done. The number of meetings she has done, the amount off money she has spent on the proposal and plans. She now tells me she is home, making sure the cook churns out his breakfast on time, and the maids clean the place properly and is overseeing all the household tasks. 

She loves going out, she loves malls, she loves shopping and he is the total opposite- detests malls, shopping but looks like he has visited the mall once with her. She spoke excitedly about the holidays he has planned, the meetings he does and the dog that is getting used to having her around at home. She also told me how his family is quite hostile, how they are all showing their hatred towards her [they feel his property/assets are now out of their reach]. He was married for 30 odd years before his wife passed away and they dont have children... She on the other hand has a daughter who is married and has a family of her own! 

Adjusting and giving in once in a while works in any relationship but to completely give up your life and become a part of someone else's- is that right? 

I guess for someone young and still new to life, it is alright to just adopt their spouse/partner's life, but someone who has lived alone, yearned to accomplish, dreamt a lot to just give it all up- I guess am having trouble digesting this..

Am I wrong? I wish her all the happiness in the world [ God knows she deserves it] but this whole change is what has me puzzled.. 

Thursday, March 6, 2014

10 day blogging challenge - Day 10

And with today, the tag comes to an end. Cant believe 10 days are over already~!

Hmm, the last one is "One confession". Truth be told, I stared at this box for a good 10 mins but drew nothing but a complete blank~!  So, looks like I got nothing to confess, everything to be shared has already been said and done with! The only thing I would say is that "I am very Proud of myself" [if that can be counted as a confession]

It is not that am hiding something or not ready to share, I guess over the past few years, I have been slowly slaying all the dragons in my head, not done anything that I regret or things am ashamed of. People who know me will know that is the truth... I have done things I wouldnt have done few years ago, I have walked on paths I would not have stepped on, I have faced my demons head on, I have made peace with my past and focussed on today!!

As a person I have come a long way and am quite proud of myself! Here's to a great today and tomorrow[s]

Adios all. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

10 day blogging challenge - Day 9

Wow, what a bounty! They want me to share 2 smileys... Here goes-

Am never a whiny cribby person, and no matter what goes on inside, you will always find me in a good mood, cracking up at the smallest thing... I tackle my fears, any challenges everything head on, with no doubt in my abilities...  So , this is me raising my hands to the world and Man above to say "I dont care what you do, what you throw at me, you can never break my spirit"

And this is me  spreading love, and telling all those around me who are my dear friends and my pillar of strength how much thy mean to me! It is also me showing off how excited I am about what is to happen in the coming months!!  :-) 

See you tomorrow!! 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

10 day blogging challenge - Day 8

Am sure those who've been following my blog and this tag know more about me than they did in all the time I've known them. But today's task is tad too personal, crossing hop skip jumping too many lines... So, am gonna let the mystery that some say I am linger on longer....

Here is something I feel describes me quite well...

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child,
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you

She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel

She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool

And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree

And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you ...................................................... :-)