A friend recently remarried…. after being single independent woman for nearly 20years! She found this man, a decade older than her, and I dont know if it was instant love or they just grew to like each other over a period of time, but things moved fast and he asked her to marry him. All these years, all she yearned for was someone to give her the status of “wife” and
take care of her treat her like a Queen. Give her a secure life, money, protection, and a home!! She found all this in him and decided to accept his proposal. I was over the moon, happy for her! I have seen her struggle everyday with uncertainties. She is a strong woman, but has her weaknesses, and always felt there was something amiss.. Her 1st marriage did not last too long, and she has gone through quite a bit of difficulty in life.
Ok, without digressing further, let me come back to the post. I am writing this following a conversation I had with her few days ago. After a quick round up of what is happening, she spoke of how things were now. This man she has married dotes on her, but has laid down a few rules and norms that he expects her to follow. Infact these were discussed before and I wondered, even asked her about it. She had been keen on starting a business and was nearly there, but then this Man takes her into his hold and tells her she will not do any business, but be there to take care of him, and maybe if she is bored she could start coming to his office [ he runs a business, taken over from his father].. She was told to shut down her business, bank account and close all loops when she moved in with him.
I know how much effort she has put into this and was quite surprised when she said she was shutting it all down and going to forget about it. I was honestly shocked and stumped!! How far is a person willing to go for love?! And if this was right?! I expressed my concern and asked if she would be ok living like this, under his shadow, and she instantly replied “yes, he is giving me so much, I can give up these small things”
Makes me wonder- is this a compromise or a sacrifice? This business was her dream, and I know how much sweat & effort has gone into getting the foundation done. The number of meetings she has done, the amount off money she has spent on the proposal and plans. She now tells me she is home, making sure the cook churns out his breakfast on time, and the maids clean the place properly and is overseeing all the household tasks.
She loves going out, she loves malls, she loves shopping and he is the total opposite- detests malls, shopping but looks like he has visited the mall once with her. She spoke excitedly about the holidays he has planned, the meetings he does and the dog that is getting used to having her around at home. She also told me how his family is quite hostile, how they are all showing their hatred towards her [they feel his property/assets are now out of their reach]. He was married for 30 odd years before his wife passed away and they dont have children… She on the other hand has a daughter who is married and has a family of her own!
Adjusting and giving in once in a while works in any relationship but to completely give up your life and become a part of someone else’s- is that right?
I guess for someone young and still new to life, it is alright to just adopt their spouse/partner’s life, but someone who has lived alone, yearned to accomplish, dreamt a lot to just give it all up- I guess am having trouble digesting this..
Am I wrong? I wish her all the happiness in the world [ God knows she deserves it] but this whole change is what has me puzzled..