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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Friday, March 14, 2014

Sacrifice or Compromise!!

A friend recently remarried.... after being single independent woman for nearly 20years! She found this man, a decade older than her, and I dont know if it was instant love or they just grew to like each other over a period of time, but things moved fast and he asked her to marry him. All these years, all she yearned for was someone to give her the status of "wife" and take care of her treat her like a Queen.  Give her a secure life, money, protection, and a home!!  She found all this in him and decided to accept his proposal. I was over the moon, happy for her! I have seen her struggle everyday with uncertainties. She is a strong woman, but has her weaknesses, and always felt there was something amiss.. Her 1st marriage did not last too long, and she has gone through quite a bit of difficulty in life. 

Ok, without digressing further, let me come back to the post. I am writing this following a conversation I had with her few days ago. After a quick round up of what is happening, she spoke of how things were now. This man she has married dotes on her, but has laid down a few rules and norms that he expects her to follow. Infact these were discussed before and I wondered, even asked her about it. She had been keen on starting a business and was nearly there, but then this Man takes her into his hold and tells her she will not do any business, but be there to take care of him, and maybe if she is bored she could start coming to his office [ he runs a business, taken over from his father].. She was told to shut down her business, bank account and close all loops when she moved in with him. 

I know how much effort she has put into this and was quite surprised when she said she was shutting it all down and going to forget about it.  I was honestly shocked and stumped!! How far is a person willing to go for love?! And if this was right?! I expressed my concern and asked if she would be ok living like this, under his shadow, and she instantly replied "yes, he is giving me so much, I can give up these small things"

Makes me wonder- is this a compromise or a sacrifice? This business was her dream, and I know how much sweat & effort has gone into getting the foundation done. The number of meetings she has done, the amount off money she has spent on the proposal and plans. She now tells me she is home, making sure the cook churns out his breakfast on time, and the maids clean the place properly and is overseeing all the household tasks. 

She loves going out, she loves malls, she loves shopping and he is the total opposite- detests malls, shopping but looks like he has visited the mall once with her. She spoke excitedly about the holidays he has planned, the meetings he does and the dog that is getting used to having her around at home. She also told me how his family is quite hostile, how they are all showing their hatred towards her [they feel his property/assets are now out of their reach]. He was married for 30 odd years before his wife passed away and they dont have children... She on the other hand has a daughter who is married and has a family of her own! 

Adjusting and giving in once in a while works in any relationship but to completely give up your life and become a part of someone else's- is that right? 

I guess for someone young and still new to life, it is alright to just adopt their spouse/partner's life, but someone who has lived alone, yearned to accomplish, dreamt a lot to just give it all up- I guess am having trouble digesting this..

Am I wrong? I wish her all the happiness in the world [ God knows she deserves it] but this whole change is what has me puzzled.. 


Susan Deborah said...

The jelly beans are so distracting - post or jelly beans, jelly beans or post.

The lady in question does not know what she wants of perhaps wants only the position of a wife and a husband to take care. Period. Maybe for you and me, this seems a bit weird and that she's okay with the new life and priorities.

To each, her own.

Joy always,

dEEpz said...

while she was indeed so passionate about setting up her business, it seems that she was getting tired of her life and getting married was probably more attractive. I wish she could have done both. Can't understand why someone would not encourage their partner to not pursue their dreams if his/her love was genuine. but like susan said, to each his own. at the end of the day, I just wish nothing but happiness for her.

mahesh said...

I wish happiness for your friend and her husband. Solitude in old age is the biggest pain.

It is a personal choice that your friend made; perhaps she could have convinced her husband to let someone else run her business and she could just oversee the progress of her enterprise.

Hope they have a pleasant life ahead and may those rotten relatives who despise her go jump into the Bay of Bengal!

Avada Kedavra said...

I feel it was not a wise decision on her part. To lose your freedom completely just to be with someone whom you love doesn't really make any sense. What sort of a husband makes his wife quit everything she was doing, just to "take care" of him and his house?! Tomorrow if this marriage doesn't quite work the way she thinks it will, what is she going to do?!

Avada Kedavra said...

P.S: I think your blog is awesome. :)

Cubic Zirconia Hearts & Arrows Cut Stones said...

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Aarti said...

Thank you all for your inputs/comments...

Well, her husband has clearly told her not to do any business atleast for another 5 yrs and then he has said they plan to move to a small town to retire... I did meet her few days ago and can see she is feeling stifled with all the control and restrictions... :/

Rama Ananth said...

I can't understand why she agreed to marry him despite knowing all the weird conditions. She must have known what type of man he was before she got married to him. I can't understand her desperation: he wants her to be in his control. with no bank account of her own, no business of her own, what would happen if she herself wants to leave him at some point.
I trust she is wise enough to have a some plan if things don't work out the way she way she is expecting to happen. He also seems to be a very old fashioned person.
And retiring to some small town after few years, my God, I only hope and pray she knows what she really got into.
Plus her in laws are also not friendly.
However, each to his or her own,who are we to judge. She has made the choice with her eyes open, and as the saying goes: "We are the architects of our own destiny".

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