Am one of those who knows she has certain fears, but tries to overcome them, or convert them into strengths.. Here are mine…
1. Being late – I hate being late to anything- movies, dinners, concerts,events, meeting, weddings, etc etc…I start getting antsy if I have made plans with someone and they are delayed which causes me getting delayed. There have been times when I cook up an excuse so I can go on my own just to be on time!
2. Losing control – To a large extent I can control my emotions, even my tongue, but there are those rare times when it escapes and I end up regretting it later. Something am working on, consciously and I see it being in my control… Just don’t want to lose it one too many times..
3. People – As much as I enjoy meeting people [known and unknown], there are a few who put me off, who at first sight somehow give out vibes that don’t sit well with me. And then there are a few who I just don’t get along with, so overtime I go to an event/meet/function where I know this/these people will be there, I go with a sense of dread…
4. Eunuchs – I know they are also people, they need to be given the same treatment etc, but the past experiences have left me scared and so even today when I see a Eunuch on the street, I hide and make sure they don’t see me. Few years ago when I living on my own, the apartment complex was on a main road, and there would be a big gang of em along with other prostitutes/transgender folks who would at times block the road and not let us walk past unless we pay them.. Have also been accosted by them in the train, traffic signal and all this just rattles my cage. I don’t understand their behaviour, wish they dint act this way but until i see/experience differently, this fear shall linger.
5. Taken for granted – I hate, absolutely hate being taken for granted- by family, friends and others. And these days I get a sense/intuition when someone approaches me [with an ulterior motive] and I am quite blunt with them. Call me rude, but hey you ain’t gonna walk all over me and get your way… not if I can help it..
6. Elephants – Gentle giants- gah~! I am shit scared of em, have always been [don’t know if there was any traumatising incident that happened when I was small, or some such].. During my trip to Sri Lanka, we visited Pinnawala, the elephant orphanage. I was holding my heart in my throat as we walked in, I put on a brave face, even touched a baby elephant, fed it, walked around and so on… But all the while I was petrified, I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure one wasn’t charging at me or running amok. In temples across India, wherever there is an elephant, I either walk all the way around it or avoid the place altogether.
7. Bad travel companions- I understand you don’t know how a person is going to be when you plan a trip, but then a few trips have taught me some people turn out to be the worst travel companions. They have a mind of their own, kinda force their agenda on you and well, make it feel like a trip you should have avoided or one that you could have done on your own. So, nowadays am wary when someone says “I wanna travel with you”.
8. Being ignored /unloved- While I love myself, I do yearn to experience “love”, the sense of being “wanted/needed” by another person..Sometimes the fear that my life might end without me experiencing this sets in, but then I shut it off saying there is still time, lets see what the universe has in store for me..