This is a post that has been sitting in the drafts for a while now.. Decided I was gonna publish it, and apt considering today is Women’s Day~~
Warning: Long read…
Single and independent
Do you see anything wrong with this?
No? ok.. let’s try this
Single independent woman-
Do you see anything wrong with this?
No? ok.. let’s try once more
Single independent women 40+ –
Do you see anything wrong with this?
No? Nice, Hi5..
You are either like me or I thought are very similar and am so happy to hear that.
But in this world we live in, the third statement is all kinds of wrong. If you shaking your head and agree with that statement, then here take a hug, actually 100 of them..
We might be in 2021 we might say we are a progressive bunch of people, modern and whatever other words you can think of, but the bottom line as there is still a big chunk of this world that will frown upon reading the statement above..
I am sure that comes as no surprise.. unless you belong to a family that is really open-minded and has embraced a way of life and is happy for you.
As if being a woman is not enough, there are all these battles that we fight a lot of them silent and yet we go through them trying a level best to strike them out one by one just get through the day..
It is mentally emotionally physically draining and exhausting and frustrating.. phew.. The one question that pops into my head is why? why are we going through all this? why do we have to endure all this and more?
While I am yet to find an answer, the battles don’t seem to get any easier as the days go by..
While growing up, I remember everybody around me telling me to be myself, do what drives me, to follow my dreams, to live my life, to be independent and yet today these are the very people who seem to find it appalling that I am actually independent, they get enraged when I speak my mind and share an opinion or two… what changed or were all those words of encouragement just mere words and were not to be taken seriously?
I distinctly remember the face when my parents were trying to get me married off when pretty much after every ‘boy & his family seeing/interrogating the girl’ event my mum would sit me down and tell me to not talk so much, not be so open and share my thoughts and to show some restraint and above all to behave like a girl…
I honestly have no clues difficult this way I grew up being thankful to have had the time of periods I did because they gave me all the freedom in the world and never stop me from doing anything they let me travel they let me read the let me listen to all kinds of music let me play with boys they let me wear dresses even when I was a from P chubby girl but something somewhere seems to have changed I don’t know when they fell into the Trap of ‘a girl needs to behave a certain way, a girl needs to look a certain way’ and when they did they become so judgemental and bothered about the so-called society.
Mom and gramma often quote an aunt who said “thalacham chamatha ponnu pethalam” [smart woman to have had a girl child as her 1st born]… They used to gush while recalling this moment, and how that aunt went on to have a boy [followed by another boy, and then a girl child].. Wonder what they think about this now?
What am I today to the family? Not to sound all movie style, but I have been told am a burden/torture and how it reflects on the family more than it does on me.. Why? Cos I am single and well being single and 40 plus and happy and living your life are just not done that has to be something wrong with me…
Well, have I mentioned I have a couple of tattoos [3 to be exact and none in hidden places], I sport short haircut, I wear short/sleeveless clothes & continue to have a big body (also known as fat).. all of these add to their disappointment.
Those who know me, know how much I love to travel and most of the travel that I’ve done has been solo [apart from a few that were with others/groups].. I am not someone who plans, I don’t look ahead into the future, I love every day for what it’s worth and I believe in living every day to the full…
Sticky points according to the family-
1) I speak my mind
2) I provide logic and reasoning whenever I say anything
3) am always open to discussions and even confrontations
4) I believe in giving value to the person and not too material things
5) I don’t gossip
6) I don’t judge I don’t assume I don’t jump to conclusions
7) Unfortunately I raise objections whenever I hear people talking about things that are untrue or when they don’t have an understanding of things.
8) I hate when people talk about me in the third person as a one not even there in the room
9) I am thirsty for knowledge and believe in learning & doing a lot of different things and I will continue to do so
10) I need my space and I need to be respected
Forget the fact that they come to me for anything important rely on me to do things around the house they depend on me to fix things or be there for them for important things be assertive and get things done around the house.. forget all that at the end of the day what matters is I am single… when grandpa passed away back in 2015, I was here I was living alone and I had when here at my grandparent’s house remember the conversation between family wondering what snacks what to do and it just felt right just naturally when I jumped in and said I’ll move when I thought I was living alone and was alone why not let go just enjoy the rest of her life in a house that she is comfortable and little did I think – how they would perceive it, what they thought about it or what I was getting myself into..
It’s been 5 years since and I am waiting to escape all this. Why? Because a single – independent – 40+ woman, the youngest member living in this house is not considered important, nor do they need to respect her or take her into consideration when making decisions that would have an impact on her life.
She basically does not exist, does not matter, and is invisible most of the time … well unless of course, we need something important done…
A thought that runs through my mind once in a while is “Do they feel threatened/intimidated/jealous?” [I have heard gramma tell mom they are afraid to talk to me, I am curt]
For as long as I can remember, am the GO-TO person if anyone [immediate family and extended] needs anything IMPORTANT/ RESPONSIBLY done, payments, online transactions, purchases, find an address/contact, complete a task that’s on their mind… Oh well~
In fact, I distinctly remember this one showdown I had with mom a decade or so back. It was again something about marriage and settling down. Gramma and a great aunt had gone out shopping and apparently came back armed with silver things [meant for me]. While all were excitedly poring over it I sat in the living room indifferently. This irked them, they kept at it telling me I need to go see the things, show more interest in wanting to get married, etc… I lost it. I retaliated with a “you should have locked me up in a room, I would have grown up, just grown up bowing to your commands and orders.. how different am I compared to a dog on a leash? [here is freedom, take it, but wait no going beyond these lines]… Mom burst out in tears and huffed away about how thankless I was for all they were doing~~ [infact all this was meant to go into my book, which sits abandoned.. cos I don’t think am ready to share those realities or bring back those nightmares]
I love that am independent, I am grateful to my parents for giving me the freedom and not holding me back. I guess they did not think ahead into the future…
Ok so now tell me- single independent woman 40+, loves to travel, loves dogs, books, music, and believes in living life her way- does this sentence make sense? Ha..