Things have changed over the last few months and there are times when I ponder over family and people and the way they think..
After a couple of months of moving, I visited home, Chennai to be specific and after an hour of my landing home, things were back to whatever they used to be [complaining, gossiping, passing judgement etc etc] … which got me thinking- will the way people think ever change? people evolve but the way their minds work is still stuck somewhere far away.
They were so bothered about a cousin who had a love marriage, mainly whether the girl was from our caste or some other.. I kinda sorta argued “isn’t it important that she is a nice person than being from your caste? gramma nodded but finally said “caste/subsect etc matters more”
They were still bothered about a cousin who was getting married and how the invite was sent out to a select few and not everybody… They were still hung up about how uncle[the cousin’s granpa] had not called to share the news with them first…
In a lot of ways they were all caught up in the whole “me me me, give me importance,I am the one that matters Nobody Else Matters…”bubble. Or is that their way of closing off things that really matter, staying away from REALITY and living in their bubble of denial where they were in bliss?
Within a day of being in Chennai, started missing my new home and the life we were building. I hated the fact that I was once again invisible, amidst people who were being indifferent and I was once again just somebody to do things for them. How easy it is for people to slip back right into the way things were; take people for granted and just carry on as off nothing is different. They were as always reluctant to accept change or face reality. As always, they are wired they look at each person in the family as a purpose.
During my recent visit Grandma asked me what I felt like eating, what they should make. My only response was it doesn’t really matter cos I don’t have any such longing or craving for dishes, nor am I leading a life where food is not available or I don’t know how to make the dishes we used to make in Chennai. I have noticed how they all love making dishes, using specific veggies when my uncle or sister come visiting, and I guess that is how they connect.
When I hear friends and others talk about how they miss home, how they missed their family and how they can’t wait to make a visit or how they pampered when they back home – I just stare at them. I am literally drawing blanks because I have no such thoughts or longing for yearning.. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had such thoughts.
In fact, this is me always… not just now! Even when I travel for a month or two, I don’t miss home food, I don’t miss my home, I don’t miss my bed… the only person that I miss/think about is Floppy. During a chat with a friend yesterday I was saying the exact same thing and she was zapped, couldn’t fathom how someone doesn’t miss home, the people and other things.. I guess for me, I have always found joy in being on my own, and in the tribe, I had formed over the years..
What is home? what is attachment? For me it is all about being in a space with somebody that I care about – it could be my partner, it could be a friend, it could be floppy. it could be a coffee shop. it could be out in the middle of nowhere.. Many don’t understand this, some have told me this is weird, but hey that’s me! Accept it or beat it..
What is family to you? Are they people you are attached to by birth by blood or people who become part of your tribe over the years?