Why do most people have difficulty answering to the point? why do they have to share their opinion, give suggestions and in fact sometimes don’t even answer the question you post them. Have observed this behaviour with people over the last couple of years… the most recent was with a friend..
Instance 1 [conversation with a friend] –
Me: Hey, have you been to Four points spa?
She: Hi Aaroo, are you looking for a massage? I have a lady who comes home, she is very good..
Me: I have a voucher and so gonna be going there..
She: Oh okay.. I have been there once, it was an alright experience. But next time, just tell me, will ask this lady to come and you can in fact get one done on a regular basis, she is very good..
Me: Thanks!
instance 2 [conversation with another friend] –
Me: Am off to XYZ place for the weekend.. It has been on my mind for a while.
He: Oh, why you wanna go there? There’s nothing to do and its gonna be boring.. I am planning on having a get together at our place, drinks and fun… Come off..
Me: Wait, you have been there is it? When?
He: No No, mad or what, I wouldn’t go there.. Have heard of the place and sounds boring.
Me: Oh I see.. anyways am off for the weekend, will catch you when am back!
He: Oh… okayyy…
I am sure I too have done something like this in the past, but no more! I now listen to what the other person has to say and give a response suitable for that only. If I don’t know, I say as much and end the conversation. While I get that people have good intentions, and want to help, all this random suggestions and statements do is piss us off and leave us wondering “why did I even reach out, or why do I even share”.
I have a friend who is very very very opinionated about things… and sometimes talks like she is the authority on the topic [ it could be about anything under the Sun]. Anything I would share will be met with a strong remark or comment. Something as simple as I had a slice of cake in the morning would be met with “Oh no, don’t eat cake in the morning, you know the sugars won’t get digested or fats will go sit in your system…etc etc.. blah blah blah”. It got to a point where I literally stopped sharing/ heavy filters before sharing for I wasn’t ready to hear her stories or comments.
It is good to have an engaging conversation, but not one where you put the other person down or make it seem like you know better. And when someone asks you for your input, that is when you share. Even then, I say just list down options and be done with it. I have people asking me for restaurant recco [in Chennai] and I always share a list with details, and a disclaimer saying ” these are places I’ve been to & liked, give it a shot and see how it goes for you”. I feel experiences are very unique, and each one’s expectations and demands kinda set the mood. So, there is no one size fits all.
Next time someone comes to you with a query or question, just be direct if you can or else be upfront with a “sorry, no idea”…
