Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Death and moving on

Dear Diary

Everytime I open a new page, my mind is in a muddle. I am going through something big, something drastic and it has me thinking.. 

Today is the 10th day since grandpa passed away. Yes, he died.. He was one of those who I thought will live forever. I knew he was weak, I knew he was barely eating, I knew he dint have the energy or zest he had earlier, but still I secretly hoped he lived on forever and ever. 

About 2 weeks ago, he fell ill, he couldn't breathe and so we admitted him in Hospital, after a few days they diagnosed him with pneumonia, and prescribed meds to help ease the phlegm out. And within a day, doc said  "he is good to go home, am prescribing some meds, come back for a review next friday". This was on Saturday. But then on wed, once again he had fever and began gasping for breath. So, off we took him once again to the hospital where his condition was labelled "critical" and he was shifted to the CCU and put on oxygen cos he couldn't breath easily on his own. Apparently phlegm was blocking his pipes & so oxygen wasn't flowing through to his lungs properly. 

During the course of the 2 days we spoke to his Cardio who suggested we move him to Ramachandra hospital once he stabilises. He did and we decided to move him on saturday. The paper work, wait for ambulance all took nearly 4 hours and finally he was loaded and going to the other hospital with a worried mom & uncle tagging along. I got home, stayed with gramma and waited for my uncle to arrive from Delhi. He came home, we got a call from mom that grandpa was very critical and might not make it through the night. We packed gramma with uncle and sent her to the hospital, we did not tell her everything. She kept asking us "Why tonight, i shall go tomorrow". We said "no, thatha has been asking for you for a few days, go see him and come". She believed us and went, only to come back upset that thatha did not open his eyes, see her or talk to her. 

That night was a nightmare.. Me, my sis and bro were up all night, pacing the living room, waiting for an update.. We knew the end was near, but were at our wit's end, and prayed it wasn't going to be what we dreaded... We made sure gramma was alright and slept a bit. Around 4.20am uncle called from hospital saying it was all over... He wanted me to tell gramma..

How do I tell her that her husband is no more? 
How do I face her and tell her that the man she spent nearly 64yrs with was no more?
How was I to tell her that her pillar of strength had left her and gone away?
How was I to tell her she was a widow? 
And yet , I did... Gosh. it was the most painful moment of my life ever..
Walked into the bedroom with my sis following close and we broke the news to her and watched her crumble. 
I don't think I can ever get over this loss... this moment!! 

Diary- why do people die? Why can't we just live on and go on n on? Will there be an advancement in technology that lets us just live on and on or vanish into thin air and make people around us forget us instantly? 

Everyday is a struggle... every moment is painful.. we don't know what word, what action will trigger off an outburst. There are moments when she seems ok, but then there are others when she is helpless and crying like a baby..

Diary- I wish the days just fly by and she finds strength to move on.... 
She has all of us, but still the void shall remain, I know!! 

Sigh.. can't write any more... see you soon! 

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Adieu to 2014 and Hola to 2015

I love Dec 31st, the New Year's Eve.....Here are my 8 reasons why [buhahaha why should it always be 5 or 10 or 15...]

1. The entire world makes a big deal of this day, and you sit wondering "I don't have any plans, and then comes a call from a friend inviting you to a party and the day looks kickass and you go about flaunting your plans to all"
2.Instead of being Thankful for all that happened in 2014, it would be a good time to show the finger to all the rotten things/moments you went through and do a boooyah for the 2015 
3. Not to forget, you did have some awesome things happen in 2014.. so be grateful for all that!!
4.  Remember to set aside time to travel [more places to explore and discover yourself some more].. Oh and you could meet some cute guys/girls [ err whatever your preference is] ;o)  and if you are not intro travelling but feeling generous, I am always ready and willing to do it for you.. just drop me a line and let me know, will share my bank account details ;)
5.  Dream big, take risks, it is just not worth being cooped up in your comfort zone all the time. It is the only way to live life!
6. If tonight you got no plans, you sit at home, watch TV, surf channels, stare at your phone and just have a quiet moment welcoming the new year in...
7. Ya ya the phone used to ring off the hook, but now all you get are whatsapp messages [ a few special ones have you smiling , making you realise how awesome your friends are]
8. Above all, remember that here comes a new year, a whole set of 365 days for you to learn, grow, mature, make mistakes, fall flat, embarrass yourself and just move ahead in life... go for it, reach for the stars, rather go beyond and have a fabulous year ahead!!

Here's to a super duper new year ahead....

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Quick wrap up!

Dear Diary,

How have you been? I know I haven't written in you in a while.. As I say silence means good news! So things have been going good, have been busy with work/projects and also managed to do not one but three trips to Bangalore [ albeit short ones] over the past 2 months. 

Looks like my "no bangalore" streak has been broken. I might be one more trip there, if only to spend more time with the cute little bundle there... He has the cutest smile and laugh that bursts into air overtime you sing a nursery rhyme, esp Pat-a-cake baker man... :-)

Apart from this, friends are always around, which makes it all worth while... But then off late I do notice there are a few changes in their behaviour... One odd has started pulling away, I am perfectly fine with that, just hope they aint going down the wrong path [ if my intuitions have taught me anything, it is that they are always right, which is what worries me] but then I do know that I cannot control or be there to guide people, they will figure life out..

Also realised I don't need some people in my life.. Makes me sad to cut them off but I am doing it for my own good.. Negativity around does sneak into your life and pulls you down... And these are people who I have come to realise just don't change, even though they talk about changing.. If i were to tell them this, their response would be "you have no idea how horrible my life is, I just can't do what you have done.. la la.." well, all I can say is "If you want to change, you need to find a way to change, else stop cribbing and deal with it"... 

Being in touch with people is good, but off late the sense of constantly in touch is getting to me.. I am the kind who likes space and so I consciously switch off.. And then there are those who you think care, who turn out to be just the opposite.. hard to digest but needs to be accepted ~!! Expecting them to do anything else is like expecting Floppy to talk, well he does by barking but imaging if he started talking like em dogs in Dr Dolittle.. :D 

Well, the past few days have been trying- in terms of health, life and work.. but things will settle down and I shall bounce back to my usual self.. Until then, time to just let go and live it up!! 

See you later... 

Yours truly

Friday, September 26, 2014 pick your college with ease

You are in the 12th standard and there is talk about which college to apply to, where to go, what course to do but you are lost and confused. There are a 101 websites and brochures available but none of them give you clarity nor do they help you decide. This is also the stage when most parents enter the panic mode and start fretting over their child's future. They want their son/daughter to get into the best college, one that is reputed and ranked among the top to excel in their life. 

Which is where  comes in. The website is a one stop shop for all those seeking guidance in college applications.  Founded by Sahil Chalana, Collegedunia is all about collating available data, putting in various parameters and enabling students and parents make wise informed decisions.  They have information related to nearly 15000 colleges and universities across the country and are looking at ramping up to 30000 by the end of 2014. 

Be it Science, Commerce, Medicine, Management or Engineering, there are colleges listed on this site with information on how much the fee is, whether there is hostel facility or not, what kind of courses they offer, whether it is full time or part time and much more, including information  about student clubs. Infact, everything from IIT to other colleges are listed here, which gives the visitor a 360 view of what their options are. Back when I was getting into college, it was all about talking to friends and cousins who had completed their graduation, asking for their inputs and then picking out the one that fitted my preferences. How I wish had existed back then, would have been so much easier and I would have gone beyond my realms. 

What is more, I discovered this site even offers insight into the entrance exams across categories as well.  Visitors can also ask questions to counsellors through the site, add colleges to their shortlist cache and do all the research they need to before taking a decision.

But then I guess it is a boon for kids who are entering College phase now or in the future!!No more panicking and running around! If you’d like to know more, visit or alternatively you can mail them at

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Lessons learned from Living alone..

I went from living with my parents, gramma and great grandma to living with my grandparents and now I live on my own.. Alone! 

Here are a few little lessons I have learnt over the past year since I moved out,

1. When the bills come, you don’t get to put them away and forget about them-  When you are living at home with family, you don't ever worry about bills, especially the EB, Water and land line bills. The only ones I ever paid were my own expenses, internet dongle and mobile bill. But now all the bills that land in my mailbox are meant for me and I need to pay them. Nobody cares if you are strapped for funds or why you have spent as much as you have.  

2. The food you buy is all yours, or not.. -- If I have forgotten to buy groceries, then I have no food [ unless I decide to splurge and order in]. I buy bread or Dosa maavu, rava or semiya I can get by, else am left wondering what am gonna eat. And the best part is, I don't have to worry about what I eat and when. If I choose to eat a salad for dinner, then that is all I will munch on, or I might go all out and make pongal -sambar for dinner. I have also started carrying over food [ when there is too much, and it is good food and cannot be wasted]. It is ok, I don't mind!! I have had crackers and a glass of milk for dinner  

3. Oh, no, there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink... Umm, it is all mine. I have learnt there is no magical maid who is going to walk in and clean them up. I cook, I clean! So, I tend to reuse vessels a lot more and wash up right after a meal/drink instead of leaving it sitting.  

4. My OCDs are mine- I have certain OCDs- I cannot leave a pen lying around, I cant have my slippers in messed up order, I pick a book from the shelf, I have to put it back before I hit the bed. I have a few other little quirks and I am free to do what I feel like when am home!! It is perfectly fine and nobody can comment/smirk at...

5. Living alone is not lonely or scary- Don't know why most people assume living alone is scary or lonely. I disagree. I go to bed and sleep like a baby and perfectly happy being home alone. And the biggest quip of them all is there is a big big difference between being alone and being lonely. I have never been lonely. Even when i have no plans and am home, I have the TV on and watching a movie/show or the music is out aloud and am generally dancing.. There have been days when there was no power through the night and then other times when it was pouring like crazy with thunder just non stop. I plugged in my iPod and was  enjoying the rains from the balcony.. :) I haven't heard any sounds or weird noises and am not the kind to get jumpy or freaked out. :)  

6. Wear what you wanna or not... ;o) -- That is the biggest fun part about living on your own. You dont have to worry about being dressed up all the time. You can wear what you want, or not [ don't get ideas..].. You can wander about in a T-shirt and shorts or just a long T-shirt, or nothing at all ...  But remember, if living alone and have houses around, better invest in curtains, wouldn't want to give free shows to the world, right?   

7.It is incredibly liberating-  The first day I slept alone in my apartment and woke up to nothing but silence, it was sheer peace. I have friends who come over whenever they are in the area and then there have been times when I have hosted dinners/parties at home. I also love coming back home knowing nobody has meddled with my stuff or touched my things [ dint I mention with you I had a bunch of OCDs] . You can invite people home without thinking too much, you can decide to get off on a trip, you can bring home a stray pup and take care of it for a few days, stay over at a friend's house cos it got late after the movie or she was scared to be alone...  The joy of not having to check with others, work around their schedules is just amazing!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014


All those who know me, know that I love observing and watching people around me. It does not have to be people I know, it can be just about anybody.. 

Be it in a hotel or a railway station, or a bus stop or the shopping mall, I never go bored. For ex, there have been so many instances when I accompany friends who want to shop. While they are trying out outfits or poring over the racks, I will happily walk around observing people. No, it does not mean am busy staring at them, but it only means I observe their mannerisms and little quirks.

I watch the way they walk, the way their expressions change as they move over the collections, I sometimes even observe the way they make signs with each other [ silent communication]. And again, when in the station, people are sometimes standing with their bags, other times sitting on top of the suitcases. And then there are some who shift between legs waiting impatiently for the train. And then there are those who do nothing but talk on the phone or glare at others to a point to making them uncomfortable.

Recently, during a brunch at a high end restaurant with friends, there was a group of foreigners in the table next to ours. They all spoke English, but during the course of the meal, I figured they are not native English speakers. Few spoke in French, while one also said something in German and then there was another who spoke in a language I couldn't decipher. Again, within an hour of us being there, the decibels from that table went up and notch, rising every few minutes. Thought to myself " with every drink, their voice goes up a level". It is almost like they lose inhibitions and start speaking with no care in the world.  Off late have also been spotting quite a few people who come out to dine busy on their phones, barely exchanging a word with each other.. I remember the time when I noticed a couple, sitting facing each other and both lost in their phones.. 

Similarly, when in a movie theater,there are people who sit and watch a movie like their life depends on it, while there are others who are constantly chirping with each other, and then the lot who are there just to piss off others by speaking aloud on their phones about the world and sundry. Oh how can I not mention the love birds[ nauseating] who come plonk in their seats, put their hands over each other's shoulders or are constantly touching each other. How do I know all this? well, there are times when am at a movie hall early and do nothing but watch others.... 

Oh and the one other place where you find a lot of people is the Hospital. There are people waiting, staring into space, some just standing around waiting for some update, and then others who walk up and down anxiously. I wonder what is going on through their minds- what news are they waiting for.. and say a silent prayer that things are alright..  

Dedicated to all the girls out there...

A forward I received, worthy of sharing...

1. Not every girl wants to get married by 23. So before you ASSUME she's of marriageable age, ask her what her views on marriage are. One hint, might save you the drama- just because she does not want to get married now does not mean she never will. She has other plans for herself right now, let her live a little. 

2. Just because a girl wishes to do her PhD after Masters does not mean she doesn't want to settle down in life. Give her a break, and respect the fact that she has the confidence to take that up, cos yeah, PhD is no joke. There will come a point when she would happily devote herself to her family, and balance it out with her work life. Her degrees, or lack of them, won't make any difference. Let her study while she wants to, okay? 

3. Just because she is 27 and unmarried does not mean she's been rejected by many men. Maybe, being single is a choice she has made. 

4. Having a boyfriend does not make her characterless.

 5. Just because she has recently gone through a break up doesn't mean she is vulnerable and available. 

6. Just because most of her friends are boys, does not mean she is "having a good time" with all of them. 

7. Just because she has a drink in her hand does not mean she is an alcoholic. 

8. Just because she wore a short skirt to one party does not mean she dresses up that way every day. 

9. Just because she is ambitious doesn't mean she isn't a family person. 

10. Just because she doesn't discuss her plans doesn't mean she's clueless about life. Give her a chance, alright? 

11. Just because she is outspoken doesn't mean she is a rebel. 

12. Just because she comes home late from work does not mean she is sleeping around with her colleagues.

 13. After a hectic week, give her some time to relax over the weekend. Don't make that one weekend party make her look like a she's a frivolous party-girl without a job. 

14. Just because she is out shopping alone does not mean she is depressed or lonely. It's how she relaxes, respect that. 

15. Just because she is on a holiday alone does not mean she doesn't have company. Maybe it's a break to get back her lost confidence, or maybe that's how she is. Admire her spirit instead of giving her advice, okay? 

16. Just because she is a woman doesn't mean she can't kick ass in military school. 

17. Just because she has a tattoo doesn't mean she is attention seeking. Maybe that's her way of expression. 

18. Just because she doesn't know how to cook doesn't mean she won't make a good wife. Remember when you were just married and cooked chicken curry which was um, a disaster? 

19. Just because she likes everything pink and shiny and fluffy doesn't mean she lives in her own world. She can handle some situations much better than her male counterparts. 

20. Just because she is pretty does not mean she is a whore. And just because she is friendly does not mean she is flirting with you. 

Yes, we cry, we are emotional; we take things personally, and sometimes over-react to situations. But this does not give any one the right to judge us in the wrong way. Times are changing; don't confine her within those boundaries, no matter how orthodox you are. There are some who might be fighting this losing battle, yet compromising on their decisions and plans, just to please society. Respect n do share... :))


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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)