Monday, May 2, 2016

Friendships and expiry dates..

If someone had told me that friendships came with an expiry date, I would have howled with laughter. Heck, I might have given them a piece of my mind even. 

But today, I know that friendships do come with an expiry date and you need to accept it. It might not be written anywhere, or be screaming at you giving you a warning of sorts, but there are a few that meet the end and that is it. 

Those who know me will accept when I say I have quite a few close folks in my life. But among all these, there are very very very few who am extremely close to, who know me in and out, probably better than I know myself. And they are the ones who have been there for me through it all. Not to say others don't care or are shallow, no way!

This post is about one friendship which met its end, a tad out of the blue, but one that I have shut the doors on. I do feel sad when I look back, but then hey, maybe this was the end of the road for this journey and I have let go. I don't want to reach out or rekindle the bond, for I know it won't be what it was and I will always be questioning my judgement. Yes, this other person did try to reach out, through another friend but I am done! I also thought to myself "If you don't have the decency to reach out to me on your own, do I really matter to you?" Anyways, it is all water under the bridge... 

While it takes me a long time to allow people into my life, to trust them and get close to them, once am in it is for lifetime! Again, this is something that people around me will vouch for. But then, it holds true when I cut off someone. I am done and I don't need them in my life. As bitchy as it sounds, I simply move on and make peace with it. 

So, what happened in these friendships you ask?

Well, circumstances changed.. they changed as a person... I stuck to my ground, I kept giving advice thinking they would change, but just kept seeing em get sucked down the quick sand, with eyes wide open, which is the worst part... 

In these two instances, I was quite close to the kids, but then, what the parent/person does is what matters right... And there is no way I could mend fences just to be with the kids.. Life doesn't work that way! 

Sometimes I also wonder if friendships/relationships come to an end because the other person has no more use for you/me.. Maybe your purpose in their life is done, or they just needed someone in their life at that particular juncture and it was done and dusted with time, so you get kicked out. 

Recently two conversations with two different people kinda gave me a jolt.. One was a friend, who I  have known for nearly 2 decades or more and the other is a friend I have known for just over a year.  They both mean the world to me and we talk about everything under the sun! It was that unfortunately even though I have no expectations or judgements, the other person[s] do/did...  That's life, you don't get to choose the cards, you play with the hand you are dealt with, right? 

Monday, April 25, 2016

G for gratification? -Part II

Disclaimer: Reader discretion advised...

Few months ago I had done a post on how most people who are online [be it on Social networking sites or on dating apps] were there mostly for some kind of instant /self gratification...  Incase you haven't read it, here it is.

G for gratification? -Part I 

Since that post, I have come upon quite a few interesting characters.. I take the liberty of calling them "characters" because each one is a specimen piece on its own, enough to be locked away in a box and thrown into the Atlantic ocean or maybe something in another planet even. Cos they don't have an ounce of patience and are all about instant gratification, instant this and instant that.. Almost like the instant noodles we get in a box [even that takes a few minutes to be ready to eat, add hot water, shut and wait for a few minutes, right?] 

I don't get it... As said in the earlier post, while a lot of them fall in the category of "oh my, you think am good looking, you think am hot, you think am worth chatting with", there is the entire other section who are all about,
  • I am here to make friends, but with benefits only... 
  • I am here looking for someone to complete me, but I want to have sex all the time.. 
  • I am here for someone to make me happy but then all i wanna do is talk about how big my junk is and how i have been told this and that about it, how i have slept with lebanese women, african women, british women, but not with a tamil woman yet..
  • I am separated from my wife, I love my son, I meet them both often & trying to make the marriage work but will you have sex with me anyways, no strings attached..
  • I am separated from my wife, live in a different country, sleep with anything that moves, I want to get to know you, can we go on a holiday to Goa.. 
  • I have been told am like an african and I take good 10 mins to cum... 
I am not exaggerating... I am effing serious.. Maybe I am a prude, someone who is not open to hook ups and one night flings, but men seriously think life is just about "sex".. 

Heck, one guy I was chatting with would constantly say he is turned on, wants a blow job etc etc and when I asked him if sex was the only thing on his mind, he actually replied "that is what God made us men for..enjoy us"... I told him if that was all he wanted then we shall part ways here, he then said give me a chance, get to know me blah blah and went on to talk about it on and on and on and on.. Well,I went on to blocked him... :O 

Have we become so impatient that we don't want to get to know someone before jumping in the sack? Or is it just me... Have I been living under a rock, missed the memo about the world becoming sex driven, men wanting to be told how awesome they are in bed[am sure there are enough women looking for same compliment] ?

When did life become so boring? yes, I say "boring" cos to me it is always fascinating meeting new people and I look forward to getting to know them before taking a call on anything. If I cannot hold a decent conversation, have a few laughs with someone, I definitely am not gonna consider a relationship with them. And then yes there are a few who are good for conversations and laughs but nothing more and the few who cross over and become good friends... 

I don't care what you think of me, honestly am not gonna change me for you, ever~ 
I am happy with me the way I am... and your comments and opinions while sound good/interesting are just that.. 
I am not looking for people to gush over my pictures, or send lovey dovey comments.. I have a close circle of friends who are there for me, whose opinions matter... 

So, to all those out there seeking "gratification" for all that they do, get a life and remember others are too busy with their own.. And if you do someone leaving comments that drip with honey and sugar, they might be just doing it on auto pilot... click like, leave a heart, post a mushy comment.. la la la. you get the drift right?

Google "self gratification" and click on images, it shows various ways of jerking off.. 

Dear Diary, need some ME Time

Dear Diary,

Well, if you know me by now you know what is happening in life... I am at that stage I was a few years ago, where all i need is some space and some alone time.. yes, i demand some ME time!

Here is a conversation with friends from a few years ago that fits me to the T even today....

Me: No no you guys carry on, am not coming..
Them: Why why why, come na, it will be fun. what will you do home alone? will go bored.
Me: Trust me, I will be anything but bored. I have a zillion things I can do.. Go ahead.
They: Are you serious? You wanna be home alone and not coming shopping with us.
Me: Yes, we shall hang out tomorrow, carry on .. 

Well, I have quite a few similar conversations on a daily basis with folks around me. And I find it funny when they say we get bored by being alone. I guess they go bored if alone. I, on the other hand love being alone.. What most people don't realise is that being alone is far cry away from being lonely. I am never ever lonely. 

You can put me on a planet alone and I still wouldn't feel lonely, guess that is just me! Give me a book, some music and maybe a dog or two and I can live like that forever. Oh yes, throw in few bottles of water/fruits.. 

I loathe shopping, yes there I said it. I would much rather sit at home chilling than being dragged from store to store while you try on clothes. Agree, I have tagged along with friends more than once when they went shopping, but then those are far and few between [Thank God]. The only kind of shopping I enjoy and look forward to would be "books". It does not mean I don't buy things for myself or am an online shopper, nope! I do shop. But then I go to a store having some idea of what I want, find it, try it, buy it and am done within minutes. Ofcourse it is such a miracle that not many stores sell my size clothes or have things I would buy.. booyaaah... 

There are times when I go for movies with friends and pre/post the movie we would wander about [if in a mall] and I know for a fact we will end up in a book store sooner or later, cos thats the kind of souls I hang out with :) I most likely won't buy anything, but the joy i get scanning through pages of books is something that I cannot explain in words.

Oh and I have the set of friends who are married with kids who hesitate to linger post a movie or lunch. I tell them it is perfectly fine to spend a few minutes checking out stuff they enjoy and that the kids would be just fine. They feel guilty. I honestly feel that moms and dads too need a time out, need some ME time. Agree?  It does not make them a bad parent or spouse. It helps them get some space and not go bonkers.. While many of my friends agree to this, they still hesitate to actually do it or are constantly thinking about the kids or calling to check on them every 5 minutes.. 

Coming back to me, I am happy watching TV, reading a book, listening to music[not to forget singing along], playing with my dog, cooking something new, go out and have coffee on my own/watch a movie/sit in a park reading a book or writing a blog post [like this one maybe] and not worry about why am alone or what is wrong with me.. Well, one thing I would like to reiterate is that this does not mean am Anti social, no way! But I am not the partying away all night kind. I love hanging out with people, catching up with friends, going out and having a good time, but that works for a few hours, unless am travelling to a different destination and exploring the place :)

Right now, all i want to do is scream, shut myself off from this world and go away somewhere and be with nobody but ME~ 

What would you do if you were given an hour of Me Time? Go on, share... 

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

I want to take my blog to the next level

I was tagged by Reema (hyperlinked to write this post. For someone who takes life one step at a time, am now hop skip jumping down them steps two at a time... Looks like things are about to change out here...

I started writing poetry and soon I wanted to save them all up at one spot, and that is how my blogging journey began and it has been 10 amazing years. From one blog, I now have 5, yes you read it right.. Even though only three are super active, I am quite proud of what I have accomplished.. However the one thing pending, for nearly a year now is moving them all under one roof , onto my own website of sorts.. For some reason, this task is pending and keeps getting pushed to the back burner. I have decided that by my Birthday this year, I shall take my blog to the next level, give it the respect it deserves and space it needs!! 

What is your goal?? or have you already achieved it? I now tag Ajay to write his take on the topic. I want to take my blog to the next level with Blogchatter.. Yes they are launching their website!  

Thursday, January 21, 2016

LED light Puzzle...

A friend who had recently gone on a holiday to Hong Kong got back and asked if we could catch up & that he had something for me.. After yapping a while about the trip, things they did he pulled out an envelope of sorts and gave it to me saying "Hope you like it". It was love at first sight the minute I read the label. 

It sad POSTalk LED light puzzle and had the word CHINA on the side. Upon reading the rear side I discovered this was a puzzle that came with a USB option to light it up...

And here is how it panned out. Took me about an hour, and damn the pieces were all delicate, intricate and tiny.  Was such fun putting it together, and just when I was about to mount it on the platform, some kept coming out and well I nearly did lose 

Sunday, January 17, 2016

The Tall and Short of it..

"Woah, so how tall are you?" is a question am quite used to these days.. Earlier it used to have me stumped, but now I just reply "5ft 10"..

The reaction - "Damn, that is tall"

There is a running joke between a friend and I, she keeps saying "I am going to bring a stool whenever you get married so I don't look too short next to you".. There are times when I feel like Melman from Madagascar.. :D 

My height is something I  have always been proud off and not really something I have thought of. But there are times when I end up wondering why people stare at me like am a freak. You know, like one of those circus creatures standing on stilts or all dressed up like a clown. Oh and don't get me started about the places I explore when I travel... Most spaces and heritage buildings have me feeling like a giant, cos the ceiling is so low and rooms so tiny.. :/ There have been times when I have shied away from a trip cos I know the spaces are tiny and I wouldn't wanna be left out/or feel like a giant..

Recently a guy I met on an online channel asked me "it is very intimidating when the girl is so tall"... for which I replied "really, doesnt really bother me that you are shorter than me".. he stared at me and smiled... Well I haven't heard from him since that day.. Speaks for itself right?

And then there are others who are chill with it.. Yes they did comment the first time about how I was tall, but that was it.. Never came up again..

Being tall has its advantages and disadvantages..The advantages I can rattle off in a flash;

  • I love being tall
  • I love standing out
  • I enjoy the attention and how heads turn when I walk into a room.
  • I can reach shelves none else can.. Buhahaha
  • I can pick up things off the top rack with ease..Without waiting for any staff to come pick out the ladder and help..
  • Above all, when in a crowded space I get to breathe cleaner air than all others.. booooyah..
  • I don't need Heels, infact in my flats am taller than my friends wearing a mini stool on their feet. goes;

  • Not too many guys are as tall as I am or taller
  • I get asked to get things off high shelves all the time
  • I was made to stand last in line in school
  • I also had to sit in last row in school
  • I was chosen for basketball but wasn't too good at it and all commented how being tall = playing BB.. D'oh!
  • I hate the side berth in the train, cos I gotta curl up to fit (even though side berth is most private/comfortable)
  • When standing for photographs I invariably move to the sides of back.. am vertically challenged.. ;o)
  • I find airline/theater seats uncomfortable.. Need extra leg room..also the person sitting in front of me want to lie down, they end up literally lying on my lap... grrr..hate it!
  • I have big feet and so, don't get shoes/footwear my size easily..
  • Most places the mirror in restroom is not on eye level, heck it is somewhere below my neck.. ;-))
  • Ready made clothes are always short.. Not the 'it's Ok, looks good' kinda short but 'dang that looks weird' short. 
  • Forget clothes, they don't make trial rooms that fit us.. I gotta literally kneel down else my hands are all over the place.. Hehe..
  • In auditoriums I get asked to move and sit in a corner seat [sometimes] cos am blocking the view for the person seated behind me...
  • I have long hands and limbs, so they feel like they are all over the place..
  • I invariably feel conscious and move to the side when in a crowded space, temples, exhibitions etc... 

Well If someone were to ask me 'do you wanna be shorter?'.. My answer would be' no way.. I love me too much '..


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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)