Monday, March 9, 2015

This Monday.. take care of yourself


Dear Diary - Making the move

Dear Diary, 

Am back.. And this time I just want to talk about this decision I have taken. You know how there are some decisions that come easy and then there are others that just wreck us, leave us confused and lost. This was one decision that came easy, I did not think twice, nor was there any dilemma about it. 

It has now been nearly a month since grandpa passed away... With his passing, came the question of how grandma will manage.. We all knew she can't live alone, and so the next question of what arrangements to make cropped up. One morning, I could hear the family in heated discussion about the future.. With each one voicing their thoughts, I couldn't stand silent.. I just announced my decision and that actually seemed to bring some peace to them all.. 

So, yes the big decision has been taken.. I am moving back to Chetpet to live with grandma.. have begun moving my stuff in bits & pieces. 

Last week one day I got to my home a  bit early thinking I will do some packing.. I pulled out a whole bunch of stuff and then jus sat staring at em all. I was overwhelmed- about packing them all and moving out. It was a bit emotional, I knew I needed help. Called mom, but she was napping and so uncle answered and he promptly came over and helped pack quite a bit.. :)

Even though I don't have too many things, it just seems like a lot. I had actually done up the space a bit and found a place for all my things. Now I was back to figuring out where to place them all and what to do with my things... 

I sure hope things will sort out and I will be at peace- with myself! 

Here's to a new beginning! Wish me luck.... 


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Death and moving on

Dear Diary

Everytime I open a new page, my mind is in a muddle. I am going through something big, something drastic and it has me thinking.. 

Today is the 10th day since grandpa passed away. Yes, he died.. He was one of those who I thought will live forever. I knew he was weak, I knew he was barely eating, I knew he dint have the energy or zest he had earlier, but still I secretly hoped he lived on forever and ever. 

About 2 weeks ago, he fell ill, he couldn't breathe and so we admitted him in Hospital, after a few days they diagnosed him with pneumonia, and prescribed meds to help ease the phlegm out. And within a day, doc said  "he is good to go home, am prescribing some meds, come back for a review next friday". This was on Saturday. But then on wed, once again he had fever and began gasping for breath. So, off we took him once again to the hospital where his condition was labelled "critical" and he was shifted to the CCU and put on oxygen cos he couldn't breath easily on his own. Apparently phlegm was blocking his pipes & so oxygen wasn't flowing through to his lungs properly. 

During the course of the 2 days we spoke to his Cardio who suggested we move him to Ramachandra hospital once he stabilises. He did and we decided to move him on saturday. The paper work, wait for ambulance all took nearly 4 hours and finally he was loaded and going to the other hospital with a worried mom & uncle tagging along. I got home, stayed with gramma and waited for my uncle to arrive from Delhi. He came home, we got a call from mom that grandpa was very critical and might not make it through the night. We packed gramma with uncle and sent her to the hospital, we did not tell her everything. She kept asking us "Why tonight, i shall go tomorrow". We said "no, thatha has been asking for you for a few days, go see him and come". She believed us and went, only to come back upset that thatha did not open his eyes, see her or talk to her. 

That night was a nightmare.. Me, my sis and bro were up all night, pacing the living room, waiting for an update.. We knew the end was near, but were at our wit's end, and prayed it wasn't going to be what we dreaded... We made sure gramma was alright and slept a bit. Around 4.20am uncle called from hospital saying it was all over... He wanted me to tell gramma..

How do I tell her that her husband is no more? 
How do I face her and tell her that the man she spent nearly 64yrs with was no more?
How was I to tell her that her pillar of strength had left her and gone away?
How was I to tell her she was a widow? 
And yet , I did... Gosh. it was the most painful moment of my life ever..
Walked into the bedroom with my sis following close and we broke the news to her and watched her crumble. 
I don't think I can ever get over this loss... this moment!! 

Diary- why do people die? Why can't we just live on and go on n on? Will there be an advancement in technology that lets us just live on and on or vanish into thin air and make people around us forget us instantly? 

Everyday is a struggle... every moment is painful.. we don't know what word, what action will trigger off an outburst. There are moments when she seems ok, but then there are others when she is helpless and crying like a baby..

Diary- I wish the days just fly by and she finds strength to move on.... 
She has all of us, but still the void shall remain, I know!! 

Sigh.. can't write any more... see you soon! 

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Adieu to 2014 and Hola to 2015

I love Dec 31st, the New Year's Eve.....Here are my 8 reasons why [buhahaha why should it always be 5 or 10 or 15...]

1. The entire world makes a big deal of this day, and you sit wondering "I don't have any plans, and then comes a call from a friend inviting you to a party and the day looks kickass and you go about flaunting your plans to all"
2.Instead of being Thankful for all that happened in 2014, it would be a good time to show the finger to all the rotten things/moments you went through and do a boooyah for the 2015 
3. Not to forget, you did have some awesome things happen in 2014.. so be grateful for all that!!
4.  Remember to set aside time to travel [more places to explore and discover yourself some more].. Oh and you could meet some cute guys/girls [ err whatever your preference is] ;o)  and if you are not intro travelling but feeling generous, I am always ready and willing to do it for you.. just drop me a line and let me know, will share my bank account details ;)
5.  Dream big, take risks, it is just not worth being cooped up in your comfort zone all the time. It is the only way to live life!
6. If tonight you got no plans, you sit at home, watch TV, surf channels, stare at your phone and just have a quiet moment welcoming the new year in...
7. Ya ya the phone used to ring off the hook, but now all you get are whatsapp messages [ a few special ones have you smiling , making you realise how awesome your friends are]
8. Above all, remember that here comes a new year, a whole set of 365 days for you to learn, grow, mature, make mistakes, fall flat, embarrass yourself and just move ahead in life... go for it, reach for the stars, rather go beyond and have a fabulous year ahead!!

Here's to a super duper new year ahead....

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Quick wrap up!

Dear Diary,

How have you been? I know I haven't written in you in a while.. As I say silence means good news! So things have been going good, have been busy with work/projects and also managed to do not one but three trips to Bangalore [ albeit short ones] over the past 2 months. 

Looks like my "no bangalore" streak has been broken. I might be one more trip there, if only to spend more time with the cute little bundle there... He has the cutest smile and laugh that bursts into air overtime you sing a nursery rhyme, esp Pat-a-cake baker man... :-)

Apart from this, friends are always around, which makes it all worth while... But then off late I do notice there are a few changes in their behaviour... One odd has started pulling away, I am perfectly fine with that, just hope they aint going down the wrong path [ if my intuitions have taught me anything, it is that they are always right, which is what worries me] but then I do know that I cannot control or be there to guide people, they will figure life out..

Also realised I don't need some people in my life.. Makes me sad to cut them off but I am doing it for my own good.. Negativity around does sneak into your life and pulls you down... And these are people who I have come to realise just don't change, even though they talk about changing.. If i were to tell them this, their response would be "you have no idea how horrible my life is, I just can't do what you have done.. la la.." well, all I can say is "If you want to change, you need to find a way to change, else stop cribbing and deal with it"... 

Being in touch with people is good, but off late the sense of constantly in touch is getting to me.. I am the kind who likes space and so I consciously switch off.. And then there are those who you think care, who turn out to be just the opposite.. hard to digest but needs to be accepted ~!! Expecting them to do anything else is like expecting Floppy to talk, well he does by barking but imaging if he started talking like em dogs in Dr Dolittle.. :D 

Well, the past few days have been trying- in terms of health, life and work.. but things will settle down and I shall bounce back to my usual self.. Until then, time to just let go and live it up!! 

See you later... 

Yours truly

Friday, September 26, 2014 pick your college with ease

You are in the 12th standard and there is talk about which college to apply to, where to go, what course to do but you are lost and confused. There are a 101 websites and brochures available but none of them give you clarity nor do they help you decide. This is also the stage when most parents enter the panic mode and start fretting over their child's future. They want their son/daughter to get into the best college, one that is reputed and ranked among the top to excel in their life. 

Which is where  comes in. The website is a one stop shop for all those seeking guidance in college applications.  Founded by Sahil Chalana, Collegedunia is all about collating available data, putting in various parameters and enabling students and parents make wise informed decisions.  They have information related to nearly 15000 colleges and universities across the country and are looking at ramping up to 30000 by the end of 2014. 

Be it Science, Commerce, Medicine, Management or Engineering, there are colleges listed on this site with information on how much the fee is, whether there is hostel facility or not, what kind of courses they offer, whether it is full time or part time and much more, including information  about student clubs. Infact, everything from IIT to other colleges are listed here, which gives the visitor a 360 view of what their options are. Back when I was getting into college, it was all about talking to friends and cousins who had completed their graduation, asking for their inputs and then picking out the one that fitted my preferences. How I wish had existed back then, would have been so much easier and I would have gone beyond my realms. 

What is more, I discovered this site even offers insight into the entrance exams across categories as well.  Visitors can also ask questions to counsellors through the site, add colleges to their shortlist cache and do all the research they need to before taking a decision.

But then I guess it is a boon for kids who are entering College phase now or in the future!!No more panicking and running around! If you’d like to know more, visit or alternatively you can mail them at


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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)