Sunday, October 23, 2016

Dear Diary... mind wanders

Hey There,

Yes, I do agree.. Am sorry for abandoning you for so long. But well, in my defence I was busy living it up. 

Say what, you don't believe me, is it? haha.. well, what can i say.

I manage to revisit a town I had nearly taken off my list of "fond destinations I have been to" and well, it just might be sneaking back into the list, atleast somewhere at the bottom for now. And whilst there, I had some kind of light bulb moment as well. It dawned on me how much I have changed over the years. Not sure if it was cos of life, or just generally, you know the whole "matures with age, like wine"

The conversations, the moments, the way I was thinking, the kind of things I wanted to do, the people I connected with- they were all very different from what I would have done few years ago. So I guess somewhere I grew up.. That said, I was glad I still have a bit of the kid left in me. A friend told me I was good fun to talk to- have serious conversations, bounce off ideas, and yet crack up and have quite a few laughs.. Well, I will take that as a compliment and smile away. 

Over the course of months, there have been a few friendships that have become stronger, some have faded and others well they are just there... I guess as with most of us, time is a test for many things in life- work, friendships, memories, pain, la la la, the list is endless. 

I continue to be happy being on my own, I don't long for company, there are very few I miss talking to, some conversations tire me out [they are invariably like the hamster on the wheel, go round and round with no end in sight] and some leave me energised wanting to go conquer the world [or what little I can]

While I sit here waiting for a friend, I look around at the many faces, some waiting for company, while others are focussed on their gadgets, and some have a forlorn look on their faces. A few look up, make contact and smile, while one just turned her face away. This reminds me of the book I love-  Phantoms in the Brain: Probing the Mysteries of the Human Mind  by V. S. Ramachandran .. What can I say, Human beings never cease to amaze me!

Well, ok, enough rambling, might as well go get a start on work ... until next time! 


This Monday.. Jump into the deep end

Sunday, October 9, 2016

In touch..

I grew up in Madurai and Tirunelveli before landing in Chennai, so my growing years were quite different.. heck, we dint have a phone at home till I was in my 7th and the same applies for a TV. But then, I never missed them. I was out almost all the time, until mom was yelling out asking me to come back home. School was around the corner, I would go walking and since we lived in a small town, there were a few streets around our home where most of my friends lived in.  We used to go to an aunt's house nearby to watch TV shows and same went true for phone calls, someone from there would come over to tell mom she had a call, and it used to be called Trunk call.. :) 

It was one of those ideal childhoods, I dint have to worry about being out late, did not have to worry about being groped or raped [ I don't think i even knew the meaning of these words back then].  Come holidays, I would be in Chennai at grandparents home , being spoilt by all.- books, tv shows, outings, etc... I was the 1st and only grand kid [grand daughter] for a while.. :-) 

I used to receive post cards from grandpa and uncles whenever they travelled and I still have most of them. I hadn't been introduced to letter writing then, and so the only way to keep in touch was the occasional phone call or during the holidays. And I was more than happy with things the way they were. Infact, my uncles used to visit us with bag full of cassettes and books, they are the ones who got me hooked on music & reading..

Today I woke up wishing I could rewind time..

[Image courtesy]

[Image courtesy:]

With all this Social media and WhatsApp, I feel there is way too much "contact" and am not too kicked about it. Yes, we do need to keep in touch with our loved ones, but do we need to be in touch all the time.. Do we need to tell them whats happening, whats going on, what we are doing, ask what they are upto etc etc.... It sometimes suffocates and I just switch off Data /wifi and run away [metaphorically] 

The apps I have on my phone were Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, Amazon kindle, Duolingo, Tinder [had few others but deleted them along the way] apart from few other utility based ones [bank and bsnl] ..  

I deleted Facebook about 2 months back and use only Page manager [ my page and client accounts] and it has been quite peaceful.. But yes, I do see there are certain events I am missing out on cos am not on FB, but then its ok. I do check it once in a few days to see if anything earth shattering is posted... There are a few characters who not only post fwds/images/videos on their wall, but feel the need to message me the links and if i havent responded within a few minutes I get the same on whatsapp.. i mean, seriously, chill won't you!..It reminds me of this guy I went out with very very briefly- he would msg on fb, follow it with a text and a whatsapp and even a mail [no am not exaggerating].. it is called stalking, not reaching out :-) 

Twitter - was a fun app few years ago and now seems to have become a place where people wake up looking for something to outage on, or thrust their opinions on.. And then there are those who are looking for ego massages.. [ no am not generalising, but you agree with me...admit it ]

Skype is another app that I have used ages ago, but then stopped and deleted. There are times when guys am talking to insist on doing a Skype call and again I just say no!! Phone works just fine, Thank you! 

Kindle - was telling a friend am tempted to buy one esp since there is an offer going on. But then the whole idea of carrying one more device, worrying about charge, etc just killed the temptation..yayyy

When friends tell me to try  Telegram, Snapchat, Alo or any of the other apps, I blatantly deny cos I have no use for them. Am sure there are gonna be new ones cropping up daily.. Somehow feel we all either have too much time on our hands or just become so lonely that we need to keep active on these many apps so the world doesn't forget us.. Guess we need to draw the line, get our priorities in place and move ahead... :-(  

While I do love it, esp cos it is part of what I do for a living, and am always curious about whats new, I sometimes feel it has taken over our lives.. 

Technology - I love it and gotta learn to live with it ~!! 

An interesting article about why people use social media

Monday, September 19, 2016

No means No.. always!

Well, for those who have seen the movie Pink, you will identify the title of the post and the image above.. as for others, am glad you haven seen the movie yet! While I enjoyed the movie, loved every dialogue and nuance, it left me baffled..

A quick synopsis of the movie for those wondering what am talking about...It talks about how ...
  • just because she wears modern clothes doesn't mean she is easy and will sleep with the guy
  • just because she is friendly with guys doesn't mean she is easy and will sleep with the guy
  • just because she has a drink with a guy doesn't mean she is easy and will sleep with the guy... 
The movie is about respecting a girl , her wishes and words...When she says NO, it means NO.. It does not give the guy the right to force her into getting physical...It has to be by invitation only and with mutual consent. While the girls in the movie are all single, this rule applies to married/other status women as well. Husbands also need to respect their wife's wishes and leave them be... its the basic!!

When I walked out of the theater, the only thought in my head was --- 

  • Do we actually need a movie to scream out to the world "no means no"?? 
  • How many people will actually change watching this movie?
  • Will it make any effing difference?
Heck, there was a group of guys sitting next to me in the theater and at a point one of them actually commented "abbeyaar, stop preaching already".. :O 

Maybe I have become cynical or just lost hope of this society ever changing~ And that is what pisses me off the most. It all boils down to the girl[single/married/others], at the end of the day she is blamed for anything the pricks do. She wears revealing clothes, she must have smiled at the guy, she hangs out with guys at bars/pubs, she is out late in the night, she lives alone/with roomies... la la laaaa....

I remember few years ago I wanted to move out and live on my own. I had a tough time trying to find an apartment cos most places were not open to renting it to a single gal.. Some just gave random excuse, while others asked questions "will you have guys visiting? will you work late? and when I told them I mostly worked from home, they were all the more sceptical.. They dint understand the concept of freelance and weren't sure I was going to make enough money .. Or maybe the thought I had a sugar daddy who would pay my But luckily I found a place [my Bff moved to bombay and her dad rented the apartment to me no questions asked] :-) The society is always ready to point a finger at us gals, but never pause and think otherwise.. 

I do have guy friends, I am quite independent and don't mind going out with friends [guys/girls] and can take care of myself. Yes there are times when I get home late in the night... Well, am this angry cos I could so identify with the movie and the crux of it all cos I have experienced it myself. I had once met a guy who did not understand the meaning of No, inspite of me repeating it a gazillion times. He would say I hear you, I respect you but he kept touching and it came to a point where I literally had to bolt from the vehicle at a traffic signal... I was angry and sad not at what happened with me, but that such men exist in this world and seem to be the majority. What is worse is he messages the next day asking when we were gonna meet next.. $#@#%@%#%. I replied saying never! [am sure he would move to the next girl on the list and it din't make a difference if one girl turned him down]

It disgusts me when I read news of girls being raped, heck they don't spare babies even.. Oh let's not forget cows and horses and dogs as well.. I know I shouldn't generalise, but then everyday when you read such news it disgusts me that men are allowed to even exist in this world.. Why doesn't a tornado or some such wipe em out? I am not against men, I have quite a few good friends who are guys but these incidents and behaviour has me questioning the logic of it all..

I know at the end of the day, the society the mind set needs to change, but someone needs to make a start somewhere.. At home, I know people trust me but they still cave in to the so called society and advice me constantly not to stay out late, or hang out with guys here and there. It gets to me, but I just nod and smile [gritting teeth inside]. Why are all so ready and find it easy to point fingers at the girl?Why don't we blame the guys? Or worse is there are statements such as "men are like that, they think and act only with their d*, so it is you girls who need to act wisely and safeguard yourself.." are you serious? Wtf... I want to scream at people who preach, who say grow your hair out, cover your tattoos, wear full covered salwar pyjama etc...I have lost track of the number of times I have turned back and asked " Err, havent you been eating news? all kinds of girls get raped and killed, it does not matter what you wear.. The mentality is what needs to be sent to the laundry... "

I am gonna blame it all on Adam & Eve.. I wonder if Eve said No when Adam made advances, if he neglected that and that is the place where it all began.....

[incidentally this is used as a dialogue in the movie as well]

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

The drama around emergency contraception....

About a fortnight ago, a friend [someone I have met a couple of times] messaged me in the morning asking if I could get a “morning after” pill. I have never really bought any nor was I aware of the kinds available in the market, and so went over to the nearest pharmacy and asked him for one. He stared at me for a minute and said they are all banned ma, you wont find them here any more. I was stumped, dint give up, went to the nearest Apollo pharmacy where I was told the exact same thing.

I dint know what to do. I wanted to help her and so messaged a friend who is a doc asking about this. He in turn told me that most places do moral policing and will judge which is why they wont give me the pill. He also gave me a term [an ingredient] to ask for at the nearest Apollo. I called and checked but they dint have any and told no stock, some such or it wasnt not available. While I was  not franctic or panicky, I did not know what to do and was quite puzzled about this whole thing.

I thought to myself “a girl should have a choice right.. she needs to know there is some protection available in case she has unprotected sex. Yes I agree that having unprotected sex is a stupid thing but then we all do such things in life and  by banning the “emergency contraceptive” the government was almost punishing the woman for doing something that isn’t really wrong.. Heck, atleast she is sensible enough to know she can prevent unwanted pregnancies.

As a last resort, I took to the platform that I thought would be able to help me- Twitter. I put up a post asking where I could get my hands on this pill and what was the alternative. I was amazed at the kind of responses I got.

Surprisingly not a single person gave lectures or waved their finger disapprovingly. Almost all suggested pills such as iPill, Unwanted 72 and Clr-72.. I in turn would reply saying none of them are available and I was told they are all banned here. Infact one guy even suggested going to Blore or Pondy to pick up one in that case. A friend messaged in private suggesting the girl go meet the gynaec at Apollo, who was very nice, would give consultation and a prescription for something that would work.   Oh and one friend shared this link as well [an old article but a good one]

I was very grateful to all these suggestions and friends who came forward to share my post and offer inputs. Some went on to recommend medical stores that they were sure would have a pill, while another told me to contact her next time I needed something.  During the twitter conversations, I also approached our usual pharmacy and he came to my rescue. Managed to find a company that made a pill and got me one- Postpone 72 was the name of the pill. I picked up two of them and gave them to the friend and also told her to go meet the doc, which she did with her boyfriend the very next day~

Why are the Government/governing bodies making life so difficult for a girl? As it is we have enough issues to deal with without them throwing us off the loop like this.

So what if the girl wants to have sex and not have a baby?
So what if she gives in and does something stupid..
Do we brand her a slut?
Why does the society judge a girl but a guy is not questioned?
Why does the girl made to feel shame if she has sex with a guy [someone she loves/cares abt/is dating/engaged to/etc]

Sad that we live in a country that is so closed… Girls are constantly told what to do, what to wear, what not to do… pah, the list is endless..

Friday, August 26, 2016

Battle with the body - V

Everyday is a new day, and every new day brings with it few interesting experiences... Right? Well, what can I say..  This post is gonna be a bit of a rant, so be warned... 

I have always been on the heavier side, and am tall as well. So this has me standing out no matter where I go. But then, hey it is me and am ok with me.. What is your effing problem?Am not in your space, am not obstructing your path and you just wanna mock.. Why? Cos am different.. 

[image courtesy]

I have lost count of times when I walked off angry, but these days I don't. 

If I catch someone staring at me- be it on the road or elsewhere, I stare back till they turn away.. 

If I catch someone pointing and laughing, I walk up to them smile say hello and then walk away.
[I have actually had people apologise few seconds later or cringe and walk away] 

You know what, I can climb 6-8  flights of stairs and not be panting for my life... 
I can walk 10kms and not be ready to collapse.. 
How many of you can do that?

Actually none of these matter... What is it going to take for people to take on the "live and let live" concept? It is so easy.. You just go about doing your thing and not be curious about others... Simple~ 

One thing over the past few months I have realised is that it is not just people who are big that get mocked/ridiculed, people who are skinny face the same thing, except in their case it is with a dash of sympathy or worry while for the others it is with disgust..

And true to a comment I received on the post, many a times it all starts at home, with your own family- what do you when they treat you differently? pass comments? That is when it really hurts. You wonder why they don't understand, why they don't bother to understand.... Does it not matter? or has the Society [which they fail to realise has been created by them] fogged their minds to an extent, they have stopped thinking for themselves? I have a few friends who are also on the heavier side [ men and women] and I shudder every time I hear someone around them comment on their size.

There are a few women who are on the heavier side because they would have just had a baby.. or dealing with PCOS, thyroid or any of the million health conditions that leave them lost and having no control over their body's tendency to lose/gain weight..

Oh no, none of that matters.. We[the morons, pricks, people who pass comments] will assume they eat and keep eating which is why they are big... hahaha... shows how small your brain is and how stupid you really are.

I agree that being big does have a few health implications, but if someone has none of those, they get to lead a happy life, without the prying eyes lurking about...


Friday, August 19, 2016

Battle with the body - IV

From the minute you wake up in the morning till you call it a night, there are people telling you what to do, what to eat, what to wear, what to buy, what not to do, what not to eat, what not to wear, what not to buy and well, the list is endless.. But why? What is their problem in life or is it that they don't have a life? 

I do agree some of them have good intentions, but for many it is about "Am being seeing with you outside, or you are a reflection of me[parents esp] and so you need to look a certain way for it to be ok with the world and its grandmother/grandfather/uncle/and whoever else...." That is so unfair right? What do they know about our lives, what do they know about our body.... Who died and made them king/queen of the world?

OK, ok, lemme not get carried away... Its jus that have been receiving quite a few emails/comments/ messages on this topic that it makes me sad we live in a world where so much is defined by one's appearance... 

While I process all the mails and messages I have got, I came upon this image that sums up pretty much all that we go through in life, courtesy #Bodyshaming... 

[Image source-]

Stay tuned for more....


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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)