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Am a contradiction of sorts. i love going out and having a good time with friends, and i can also stay home chill out over a book or a movie.. Am very passionate about writing, so give me a topic and watch me float away into wonderland... I Am crazy about music,books,friends and my doggie... :)

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

The high horse

In life we come across people of all kinds, shapes, sizes and personalities. While I couldn't care about their appearances, it is their personality that leaves an impact. Sometimes its positive, sometimes its inspiring, and sometimes it just irks me to no end.

Not sure if it is random timing or a phase in life but am coming across folks who are sitting on a High horse, looking down at the rest of us, smirking, sneering, and passing comments/judgements.
I have one question to ask them - Who died and made you King/Queen of the world?

Definition for "high horse" acc to http://www.dictionary.com/browse/high-horse is [noun] 
"a haughty attitude or temper; a contemptuous manner."


Let me explain further, get you to understand what am ranting about. There are these folks, good at heart and all that, but they are so judgemental of those around them.  It is at a point where they are constantly correcting them, trying to get them to do what these "king/queen[s]" think is right, rule the world with their expert comments [however half baked they are] and basically try and prove some kind of point. 

In reality, all they are doing is not looking into their own self, making the changes needed or simply living their life better.  The one common thread I notice among all these folks is that they don't really have a life.. NO, again I am not telling them to go out party nonstop or travel, but they don't seem to be doing anything outside of x y or z. 

No, I am not judging them or telling them what to do, but I know for a fact they have a long way to go before they can point fingers at others. Maybe this is their defence mechanism, to stop the world from looking at their flaws. I know about this whole defence mechanism thing because till about a few years ago Anger was my shield. Even before someone could say something, I would pounce and they would walk away. But then I worked on it, and have managed to stop doing that [to a certain extent, there are times I fly off the handle, and regret it instantly... I now apologise and move on]

You know how there are people who will talk nonstop...it is not because they have tonnes to share, but more to stop others from asking them questions and putting them in the spot ?? [ah, I have given you something to think about eh...yep!] 

I feel sad for them, but then every time I meet/talk to one of them I am left pissed off and wanna do noting more than to just tell em to shut up. There are a few who I have stopped and told to chill [I am my biggest critic and I beat the shit out of myself enough, don't need someone else nitpick], but they don't get it. If not me, it is someone else, and this goes on esp if they have found a crowd that is submissive or does not talk back ...  

Do they get a kick from putting people down? 
Do they find some pleasure pointing out flaws in others?
Do they not realise they are not any better?
Do they think they know everything under the sun and those around them are stupid/duds?? 
What would it take to get them to pause and reflect on their own lives? 

I have seen parents, friends , partners do this to those around them and they do it all the time. They are happy as long as you are eating off their palm and nodding your head to their statements, but the minute you disagree, oh no, you have ruffled some feathers and out come the nasty words and smirks...they wont let go till you finally give in or give up!!

Is there some kind of insecurity they are fighting that pushes them to just keep taunting others? Do they not see that they are actually pushing those who care away? Or are they so happy/comfortable being on their own, that it blinds them ????  It wouldn't take me 2 seconds to give a sharp retort and walk away, but I choose not to stoop down to their level.. Also, what this would do is anger them, they still wouldn't see what they are doing is wrong/hurting others over & over & over... 

I admit I make oodles of mistakes, be it in my actions or words... I know I am nowhere near perfect, I dont even know what perfect is, but then I don't go around with my nose up in air, behaving all hoity toity with an air of arrogance [yes, that is the aura these folks give out].. Sigh..

You might have money
You might have looks
heck, you might have gazillion talent/skills
but it is just sad if you look down on others, just because they are different... 

So, these folks sitting on these so called High horses are one day gonna fall, with such a loud thud, they just might not be able to get up at all.  Next time you wanna correct someone or show them you know more than they do, just pause for a second and think "what is the point of it... or is it cool to just let it slide and have a fun conversation?"


Some interesting articles on this topic..
1. https://blog.bufferapp.com/haters-and-critics-how-to-deal-with-people-judging-you-and-your-work
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201408/the-30-most-common-reasons-people-might-criticize-you

Friday, April 7, 2017

Growing old and other such fun things

No, this has nothing to do with a big birthday that is coming up few months down the road. It is more about dealing with people and age and other such things. 



I live with my gramma [mom's mom], I had been living with her and grandpa for a good decade before moving out to live on my own. And then as life would have it, things went down the drain, grandpa passed away and I moved back in here-it just felt like the natural thing to do.. So now I live with my gramma [she turned 82 few weeks back.] in a house she and grandpa built back in 1966.. A large house with just the two of us, but sometimes it feels like one too many :-) 

While it is good to live in this house, with plenty of space etc, there are days when I feel claustrophobic...I wish I could just fly away to a world where I know none.. 

Yes, we there are daily battles between us- most of which revolves around food...no surprises there! What shall we cook for lunch today, wait it is wednesday/friday/amavasai/krithigai/masa paruppu[new month] and so on... ergo the menu will change, certain dishes/veggies will get shoved aside while few items will come show off in the front [pch pch] I will do some huff puff walking away, but eventually drag myself back to the kitchen to help gramma out or take over. She is quite stubborn when it comes to the way things are made- the ingredients, the way veggies are chopped, the kind of veggies used all the way down to the pot you cook it in. I agree and understand they are used to a certain format, but this whole "I will not budge, my way or high way" kinda gets to me. 

I remember when grandpa was around, he would throw quite a tantrum at the dining table every day during lunch time cos the veggies in the dish would not have been cut a certain way, or the pairing would be off  These got worse with age. Something that took me a while to understand. 



One thing have come to understand is that "as people grow older, they become babies".  True that, their needs, wants change, they crave attention, they enjoy sweets/treats... 

For ex, every time I would go out, I would invariably pick up something for them- donuts, sweets, snacks, or something else, but always return with a bag. Grandpa's eyes would go straight to my hands to see what I had brought back .. no matter what mood he was in before I walked in home, it would change and he would be happy..His favourite moments where retelling history, sharing stories from days/era gone by [even though after awhile we felt he was living in that world and not in the present, it dawned upon us those were happy times for him] :-) 

While there were moments of frustration, there were quite a few moments of joy which made up for it... Now that he has passed away, I see gramma change with every passing day... She has her opinions and sticks to em, loses temper when things don't go her way[which is almost always] or when she is unable to walk as fast as she used to or spend as much time as she used to in the kitchen, and so on. I try to be as patient as possible and help out wherever I can... and other times she gets upset and cries [which breaks my heart]... I being me keep asking her about titbits, how things were when she was newly married etc to keep her and me sane... Sigh!! 

On the other hand, there is my other gramma [dad's mom]who is 92, lives with my parents in our apartment. She had a bout of illness recently, which made her frailer [if such a word even exists], and she now lies in bed almost all day, or is lying on the diwan in the living room watching tv and is up and about only to shower and come to the dining table to eat. But when I do visit my folks, she is up and out, sitting and talking with me non stop. Mom says she is up and active whenever there are people over. :D.. But over the weeks I notice changes in her- dementia mainly. She has asked us if Diwali is over, if a cousin visited from UK or is yet to come, mixes up stuff she ate that day for lunch.  Recently, when I was leaving to head out, she calls me to her side and says "nee enakku karaikudilerundu pudavai vangindu vanthein sonna.. atha enkitta kuduthudu [you told me you had picked up a saree for me from karaikudi, give it off to me ok]. I replied that I had indeed given it to her right then, she had then passed it on to mom saying it wasn't comfortable, I shall ask mom to give it back to her... 

Sigh, breaks my heart to see people who were such strong personalities turn like this. But yes, we all need to accept that age isn't a pleasant thing and we need to accept that our body is aging as well as the mind and make peace with it. Cant force yourself to do things you did back in your youth, but keep it active enough to get through the day. 

I had the fortune of having my great grandmother along with us till mid 90s [dad's gramma]. She was such a fireball- you would see her stacking vessels in the kitchen or sharing stories with us grandkids. I was the only grandchild on both sides [for 12.5yrs on mom's side and 2yrs on dad's side]. it was she who taught me to play pallankuzhi, told me such amazing stories [kozhakattaikku kannu kaathu mookku undodi] and few shlokas [most of which I still remember]. She and gramma lived with us for as long as I can remember [grampa passed away in 80s]

I keep telling mom ,dad and others to take care of their health, make sure to eat well and do all they want to [without holding back]. But they dont get it.. Amidst all this I try and survive, one day at a time, making sure I live my life my way without cutting too many corners or stepping on too many toes. We have only one life to live, remember? 

My only prayer is to live a healthy life doing things I enjoy and one day just poof , be gone! No falling ill, long bouts of being bed ridden and all that jazz.. I will stab myself if something like that happens..lolz.