Do you belong to a family that loves to talk, share & communicate?

Well, I come from a family where they would rather avoid talking if that meant they are at peace. And I am someone who wants to talk/share/communicate and discuss to close things out – good or bad.

I feel 90% of the problems will disappear if people were the talk a lot more and be open to discussions and debates and confrontations. I for one don’t shy away from any of these but unfortunately surrounded by family that will literally disappear the minute you confront them or ask a direct question This is the trend for as long as I can remember, and I am constantly in doldrums trying to figure out why they behave the way they do.

Are they living in some sort of a bubble where things are happy dandy all the time or is there a fear of reality that drives them to constantly just go into denial mode?

I am somebody who enjoys conversations and hashing things out, being open and transparent and so I find it quite difficult to deal with people who are the complete opposite.

Having read quite a few books on Human behaviour and psychology understand the whole fight-or-flight more than most people adopt when it comes to a difficult situation, and I was to understand that it’s their way of dealing with things or it will be a defence mechanism. the questions I have are – is it healthy? is it something that will work in the long run or is it something that one should just let slide?

Is it scary living in the moment/ being in the present – what do you think?

Do these kinds of people ever think about all these incomplete conversations or is it out of mind/ out of sight and these are pushed into a corner of the brain that just swallows it all up?

The weird thing is a few minutes after the awkward moment, they come back and open up a discussion on a whole new topic i.e. gossip news and behave like nothing happened.

For example, an incident that comes to my mind is from 2017, when my uncle in the USA was finally getting married and I was planning to attend the wedding. Uncle was 59 and this was his first marriage, he had found his partner a few years earlier and we were all quite excited. By we, I am referring to myself, my sister my cousin and a few others in the family. Gramma had expressed her displeasure in this, and Mom joined her on the same boat. Others around kept quiet, not wanting to ruffle any feathers. I was flying from Chennai, my other uncle aunt and cousin were coming from Delhi, my sister was from Amsterdam, and another cousin was already in the US. We were all super-duper excited and looking forward to the wedding & meeting others.

The day I got done with my US Visa Interview, came back home and my uncle asked me how it went [he knew about my plans] and Mum was there in the room. Once uncle left the room, she said – oh, so you are planning to go? (In a very how can you when Gramma & I are against this whole charade tone). I smiled and said yes, wouldn’t miss it for the world. She instantly up and left the room. I kid you not.

There have been way too many such instances like this, and I have come to a point where I don’t care anymore, but yes, I do feel sad that people don’t communicate or understand the value of communication.

People don’t speak up because they’re afraid it will ruin the relationship- ironic. You stay silent for fear of ruining the relationship, but what sort of a relationship do you have if one person is always biting their tongue? People don’t speak up, according to Weiss, because they’re afraid it will ruin the relationship. It’s kind of ironic. You stay silent for fear of ruining the relationship, but what sort of a relationship do you have if one person is always playing out the conversation in their head or biting their tongue?

Another justification for not being open or talking I thought could be people not having enough facts or knowledge on a topic, but that is not the case with my family. They will happily discuss the world and sundry, passing judgement on things they have no knowledge about, and in fact at times randomly throwing information that is untrue, yet that they believe is true or one person might just say something to make it seem like they are knowledgeable. It is during these moments that my mind is blown to pieces, and I stay silent for as long as possible [for two reasons – 1. they don’t like it if I butt in, or correct them, and 2. they will go silent/ change the topic instantly or leave the room].

To be continued…

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